There we were, bodies in twined together. Laying, talking, kissing.
The feelings were everything right! The atmosphere thick with passion, I was in love. We were in love.
For a brief second, time had stood still. He was my rock, my comfort in everything wrong within my life, within myself. He was taller then me only by a inch, his arms were firm, abs just right. He caressed my frail body, holding me tight, with raptor shooting from his finger tips.
He was everything i thought i had ever wanted! He climbed over the walls i had put forth to protect myself from all the things i had grown to fear. His catapult of understanding, and his armor of comfort were all it took for me to allow him into my mind. Into my heart. His jealously of my friends were his only flaw. But I should have seen it from there. The tightness in his grip around my arm, jealousy out of control. We were as any other couple, happy, lustful, energetic, so eager to share everything and anything with each other. Our late night phone calls, eventually turned into late night cuddling. We were in love.
I was his common ground, his piece of soft mind in the ware he waged upon himself, stopping him from shoving pills in his face, n the needle in his arm. I was his hero! A part of me loved that, a part of me needed that. An addict who substituted one addiction for another. My new addiction was him.Maybe that's why i let things get so out of control. Maybe that's why i refused to note all the warning signs he laid out so perfectly for me to see, stepping over them as if i had never noticed them. I was in love.
He had been the one to stop my drug abuse. He filled the whole in me that i was using drugs to do. My superman. He was MINE! And i had let everyone know it! He looked up at me, n used me to his full advantage, taking in all that he could, living off his 17 year old lover. I fell so easily into his trap. My stupidity fell for his charm, his kiss, the high i inhaled off of him every time we made love. Catering to his every need. He was in love.
Trustworthy.
I trusted him when i shouldn't have, giving him more power and a tighter grip upon myself. Spiraling out of control, broken. The 2 A.M. phone call that left me broken and mad. The hikkis that i had never put there. Confrontation... Left me bruised and bleeding.
Happiness gone wrong
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I liked it.
I agree with what has been said, you just need to work out some grammatical errors.
Putting all of that aside, I wasn't really clear on what happened. In love, then it was gone, but I had a sense that he might be hurting her physically, and I'm not sure if that was the case, or if he just phoned a break-up.
After gliding through your story, I'm glad I read it.
Keep writing. I like you.
Hey there!
Welcome to YWS!
I think you have a good basis for a story here but I did notice a few things that were wrong grammatically.
This reads a little awkwardly. Maybe try -
'Everything felt right.'
'an inch'
This could just be me being a bit thick, but I don't know if I understand what's being said here.
This should read -
'He was everything I thought I had ever wanted! He climbed over the walls I had put forth to protect myself from all the things I had grown to fear.'
'were' should be 'was'
I think this would read better if it was written like this -
'We were as any other couple; happy, lustful, energetic, so eager to share everything and anything with each other'
You don't really need the comma.
'ware' should be 'war'
'his face and the needle'
Having 'mine' in all caps is a little distracting for the reader. Try formatting it like this -
'He was MINE!'
It has the same effect, yet it doesn't take away from the story.
'17' should be written as 'seventeen'
*
Overall I think you have a good story here. The only thing that takes away from it is the formatting, i.e, you put 'i' a lot when it should be written as 'I'. I haven't corrected them all as I didn't want to repeat myself.
I did like this though. It's real because the plot is sadly true to real life. It's sad to think that there are real people that could slot into the places of your characters. I think you have highlighted the feelings of someone who is in an abusive relationship well, when love is acting as a veil, deluding their view of their partner.
I hope this review helps!
xDudettex