Heart of Mine

Hey there, Subtle here for a review on this fine day.oh, this is absolutely stunning. You have managed to capture the beauty of love and heartbreak in such a rhythmic poem, the rhythm and rhyme is spectacular! I can even sing this poem, and your language choice and format is also very well done.

Simply splendid! Great work!

-S.s

This is great work. The rhythm is perfect, and your choice of words, though sparse, are just right for the message you are trying to convey.

"Lock and key,
Devil's kiss.
Grasping to translucent
bliss."

Loved the images this puts into my head about love and relationship.

Over all, great piece of poetry.

Thank you ocw2012

I almost sung that. Wow!
Very smooth and nice.
But somehow ' grasping TO translucent bliss' doesn't sound right to me.
The rhymes you have created is beautiful.
And I also liked the way you ended it with a question. Nice!
Shows the amount of effort you have put in even though it is short.

Looking forward to more of this kind
Keep writing!

Niiiiiice...

I love poems which have rhythm and a beat to it; they sound in my mind like lyrics of a song, and in your case a beautiful love song. The words flowed together perfectly, great organzation and poem structure with syllables and rhyming scheme.
I don't think I have anything to criticize!
Your use of metaphors really struck me the most. The message in between each line was clear even though transmitted indirectly.
I loved how you started and ended in the same way:

Heart of ice,

Heart of stone.

Heart of steel,
Heart of gold.

I think this is a very interesting work. Although, it's a little short, it is still astonishing, yet amusing. I like the use of metaphors in the poem.

"Lunar sun,
Barren sky.
Tipping, Slipping, Forced to
die."

This is my favorite part in the poem. It implies suicide and loneliness can cause one to commit an act such as taking your own life.

Nice shot poem! Maybe a little too short, I feel like it could have been a bit long, I was on the edge waiting for something more and I didn't get it, However It is a very brilliant short poem, full of passion,and it shows that you put a lot of thought into,which is something every reader appreciates a lot! Good work,keep writing! I thank you for sharing.

Wow, I really like this! It flows very well, and I can definitely understand what you're getting at here. The only issue that I have is a couple small grammar/formatting things.
1) Your title says "Hear of Mine" and not "Heart of Mine". Just fyi.
2) In the second verse, I think it should probably be "grasping for translucent bliss" and not "grasping to translucent bliss", right?
3) In the third verse, "slipping" and "forced" should both start lowercase.
Otherwise, I really like this! Great job, you have a lot of potential. Keep writing, thank you!