Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
The water all around me was slashing into my face making it hard for me to see and breath. I held on desperately to a piece of floating wreckage I had some how manage to swim to. Resting my head on the floating piece of wood, sure I wasn't going to make it I felt something touch my foot. Panic swam through out my body like a tsunami. I didn't look down afraid of what I'd see.
Well, this is off to an intriguing start here. Thinks look to be in the middle of a pretty good panic there...and you can sort of sense some kind of disaster has happened, but its not necessarily the end of said disaster quite yet but the worst of it is still yet to come. There's a foreboding sense about this opening paragraph for some reason...and it does make for a pretty neat opening paragraph.
I laid my head back down on the board. The ripple of the ocean soothing but at the same time sickening at the same time. I felt sick to my stomach all of a sudden. I felt the vomit come out of my mouth, but I didn't have the strength to move my head away from the vomit filled water. As the vomit twirled out into the open water I began to smell jet fuel in the air. I looked up in the air looking for the plane but saw nothing.When I looked back down from the cloudless sky I saw a boat. But not just one boat, more than a dozen! There were tug boats, fishing boats, oil takers, pirate ships, cruise ships, and for some strange reason the Titanic sat in the sanctum of ships and other boats.
Okayy...cool...that is actual looking at some rather crazy stuff there, it does make on wonder quite a bit...this somewhat reminds me of the story of the Bermuda Triangle but of course the Titanic definitely sank in a totally different place, so this is all very interesting. All in all, I think you're balancing this crazy powerful dream sequence while showing the shocked state of our character here really well.
As I looked over the ghostly ship I became aware of the other people floating in the water with me. They were all screaming, crying, and begging for help. But the boat's had began to move away from us. My heart sank as I watched the boat's drift away. And before I knew it panic once again filled my heart when I pulled under water. And every thing went back.
Okay...now I'm getting reminded of some kind of place where souls lost at sea collect or something, there's definitely a lot of ways that you can spin a tale that starts like this...and you've so far done a great job establishing this little setting and the sheer terror within this main character here. Overall, this makes for a lovely start right here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 260951
Reviews: 4130
Donate