To all the boys/girls who keep their thoughts unsaid,
About the body that you've been given.
To those who never plead or press,
For private pictures, undriven.
To all the boys/girls who understand,
The power and weight of "no."
To those who never mock,
Of crimes that bring such pain.
To all the boys/girls who couldn't care less,
About the inches that you stand.
To those who dance with gentle touch,
One finger, awkward, but grand.
These are the souls I choose to trust,
Men/Women of respect and grace.
Not takers, but healers they be,
In this complex human race.
(This was written for those men and women who think sex equals love. As some one who has been sexually violated this is something many need to hear. This is my first poem.)
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142,082 Literary Works • 676,571 Reviews
It’s getting to the point that I don’t rly remember why I put certain things on my reading list but what matters is that the things are on it and that I am reading them finally =D
Just that you had to clarify you are speaking to the majority of ppl (or at least I hope the majority!) in this way makes me feel sad. But at the same time, it’s really nice that you are talking to those ppl, to for once not only talk to the perpetrators but also those many many many that don’t do those things.What a heavy topic. I hope writing this helped you in working through the event?
It also feels especially important because something like this can remind victims that the majority of people isn’t like what they experienced, that trust and respect are not only desired, wish-fulfillment, but normal and that what happened to them was abnormal. that there are good ppl out there, a lot of them, and that there is a way to find trust and respect in them.
I hope I don’t sound callous. I really like this poem. Thank you for sharing.
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Hello, JustBug here with a review!
Praise:
The contrast between "takers" and "healers" was perfect. It showed how there are protectors, and people who just do what they want.
I also really liked the imagery of the dance, which displayed true innocence and vulnerability.
And then there's the change from "boys/girls" to "men/women" which makes this important message applicable to all ages.
Critiques:
This poem began with an AABB/ABCB rhyme scheme but is shifted towards the middle.
Examples:
and
Going from no/pain to stand/grand/grace/race makes the poem sound a bit awkward. In the future, I would work on sticking to a strict rhyme scheme to make this flow better.
In the fourth stanza:
The phrase, "mock of crimes" sounds a bit off. Removing the "of" could make this sound a lot better.
Overall, this was a very powerful and much-needed poem. Your writing is great, and I can't wait to read more!
Thank you, have a great day/night, and stay safe!
Wow, this is amazing! I'll be leaving a review when I have time!
Hey there oc3an, Icy here for a somewhat belated review!
I like how you move from the boys/girls imagery at the start of this to the men/women which in this poem seems to be earned by a mindset rather than an age, which is a completely fair perspective.
I'd be interested to see how this would work without the more structured rhyming scheme you've included. I think the messaging is powerful but sometimes it feels more like you've put in a certain word to fit the rhyme scheme. Here for example felt more forced to me
I think the first line in the pair is beautiful but I feel like it's lost with the second one trying to conform to the poem's structure.
I like that you've addressed this poem to all the boys/girls to make it seem like a letter of sorts - I think that really works as a concept.
Thanks for sharing this
Icy
Your poem really spoke to me. I think your title is done so well because it really explains itself once you read the poem. I like how it is formatted in short stanzas and the words at the end of so many of the lines hold such gravity. Please keep writing.
tysmmm
Wow very motovational I LOVE IT DO MORRRRRRRRRRE
valentin3~
Wow, this poem is so powerful! It touches a very sensitive topic and I am glad that it addresses the biggest problems we face today, that some men and women don't understand the "power and weight of 'no.'" To me the first line was very well written; "..who keep their thoughts unsaid about the body that you've been given." I also like how the poem addresses that your body is yours to make decisions with, not anyone else's.
Great job!!
AmberMelanie
TYSMMMM!