“Lyra? Lyra! Oh c’mon, wake up!” I heard someone screaming and felt something shaking me on my shoulders. I opened my eyes suddenly and saw Quile directly above me.
“Oh Lyra, you’re okay! How are you feeling? You must have a terrible headache.” Quile grasped me into a hug and nearly crushed me in the process.
“Well, first thing I want to know is what happened! Where am I?” I stammered, frantically looking around the unfamiliar room.
“You fainted for some bizarre reason. And right now, you are in the Shiyru infirmary. You still haven’t answered my question!” Quile looked like he was crying but he also had a smile upon his face.
“I’m feeling okay, and my head is killing me! I can’t believe I fainted! Where was I?” I sighed, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.
“You just fainted, nobody seemed to notice until you actually fell.” Quile now sounded serious. Then, a thought hit me like a train.
“What about...my fight! Quile, I have to go! Whoever I’m fighting must be waiting for me. What am I still doing here?!” I started to rise from the bed but Quile pushed me back down.
“Lyra, breathe. You’ll be fighting some other day against somebody else. As for right now, just rest. You’re probably not feeling well, so please just stay here. I’ll be leaving in a while, I will going to watch the first duel.” Quile explained everything as if nothing too serious happened. But I wanted to get out of this room, just to walk around and do something, anything.
Fifteen minutes passed and Quile left me alone to go into the arena. I just sat there and rested my head in my hands. That’s when I felt the bandage and started to feel my head throbbing. I let out a small grown and got up from the bed. Sorry Quile, but I want to see the first match too. I changed into my other clothes and left the room, leaving only a note to the nurse.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I walked down a hallway and stared at all the different sides. Every part of the wall seemed to be covered with pictures and medals. Near the middle, there were huge doors that seemed to be locked. However, there were windows and I glanced to see what was inside. Behind each door, was a practice room designed for any fighter. There was nobody in the first seven rooms, but the last one had a light on inside.
Before I could step away from the door, a fighter came out. His face was red like a strawberry and sweat came off his face like a waterfall. I stepped back to let him through, but he didn’t move a muscle. The only motion was to wipe off his face with a towel that was draped over his left shoulder.
“I don’t mean to be in your way, I was just walking around.” I decided to say. The fighter smiled and pushed his hair out of his face.
“You’re not in my way, I was just practicing. I’m fighting tonight and I needed some practice without my Master.” he answered.
“Well good luck, it must be scary fighting so early on. I was supposed to fight but apparently, I fainted and they sent me to the infirmary.” I also smiled; my face began to blush just a little bit.
“That’s not good. Wait a minute! What’s your name?” his face showed a pique of interest.
“My name is Lyra Merin. Who are you?” I answered, holding out a hand.
“I’m Reili Bezu, the person you would be fighting in the next two hours.” He took my hand and shook it; I could feel sweat trickle down my hand.
“Pleasure to meet you, even though we would’ve fought tonight. Well, I bid you good luck!” I responded enthusiastically.
“I’ll need all the luck I can get. I’m up for a big challenge; you should come watch. It’d probably help you out if we ever have to fight.” Reili’s voice seemed so calm at the situation. I felt nervous for him but I kept smiling anyways.
“I think I will, who knows when I’ll be fighting. But yeah, I’d love to watch you and who ever you’re fighting against. Do you mind if I ask who you’re up against?” I felt more nervous now; he could be going against Quile for all I know.
“I don’t mind at all! I think she’s a year older than me though. Sorry, that was kind of irrelevant. But her name is Naomi Shastu. Where you hoping to hear a certain name?”
I sighed deeply, and shook my head. “No, but I was thinking of an old friend of mine. Oh well, good luck with Naomi!” I responded; I could slowly feel my head feeling back to normal.
“Thanks, Lyra. I hope you feel better after the first fight. I’m in the second round, so I’ll try to wave to you. But as for right now, I better get going. Master is going to meet up with me in a few minutes and I shouldn’t keep him waiting. See you later, Lyra!”
As Reili walked off, I could slowly feel my face blush. I was thankful to hear he was going against somebody other than Quile, but I didn’t want Reili to get hurt, as weird as it sounds.
I took a deep breath and headed back up the hallway. I heard my name from a direction and started to run towards that general direction. At the end of the corridor, I could see Quile in plain view.
“I knew you’d get out of there. Now let’s go find our seats. The first match is about to begin.” With that remark, Quile and I headed into the room before the arena’s doors leading into the seats.
“Are you sure you want to watch this?” Quile asked me, his face was serious and his dark eyes showed worry.
“Yes, I need to know what I’m up against.” I nodded my head in complete confidence.
Quile sighed deeply and opened the door, as I slowly followed behind him.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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sorry about the double post.. my mistake!
Hi, looks like I get to review!
abbreviate it, nobody talks like that anymoreyou could make this better, how about... quile looked like he was about to burst into tears, even though he wore the classic big brother smile.
that contradicts itself, two sentences back to back.
I think you mean, "I'm going"
I'm not sure, but I think this should be in italics... Is it a thought? If so, then it should also be on a new line.
"would" should be in italics, she/he is emphasizing the word, right?
this seems a bit odd, I think that it's the "at" I'm not sure though. Sorry I'm not being much help here
Well, that's all of the nit-picks I could find.
Overall, this was a good story, and I look foward to hearing more. Only thing is, it left me wondering why she fainted in the first place. It wasn't her friend from eight years ago, so why was she so overwhelmed upon seeing her face, and isn't Lyra a girl, so why would she be fighting a guy?
Thumbs up from me!
Hi, looks like I get to review!
abbreviate it, nobody talks like that anymoreyou could make this better, how about... quile looked like he was about to burst into tears, even though he wore the classic big brother smile.
that contradicts itself, two sentences back to back.
I think you mean, "I'm going"
I'm not sure, but I think this should be in italics... Is it a thought? If so, then it should also be on a new line.
"would" should be in italics, she/he is emphasizing the word, right?
this seems a bit odd, I think that it's the "at" I'm not sure though. Sorry I'm not being much help here
Well, that's all of the nit-picks I could find.
Overall, this was a good story, and I look foward to hearing more. Only thing is, it left me wondering why she fainted in the first place. It wasn't her friend from eight years ago, so why was she so overwhelmed upon seeing her face, and isn't Lyra a girl, so why would she be fighting a guy?
Thumbs up from me!
This is a very complex piece for me and I think it's a little hard to review. Maybe it's because I enjoyed the story so much!
First off, your dialogue is very enticing. It pulls the reader in and that is a great foundation for any work. :]
I suggest that you add more meat to your descriptions.
that seems to be the only real descriptions. It is very well written, I might add. If possible though, give the reader a more concrete visual image by having the narrartor describe things like his size, hair color, eye color, etc.
All in all, I thouroghly enjoyed your story and look forward to the chapters to come. Your charactors are riveting and I am already pulled into the story. If you have any questions, just PM me!