I Want To Go Home

Hey! first of all great efforts. The lines
"as you said so

Buried in the peaceful grave,"

I could not keep up with the poem. I do not think this is the way of writing a poetry and conveying a message. Try to gather up the lines and think of a more better way to represent your poem. Not saying it is bad or something but everyone needs improvement. You , Me ... Everyone. No one can be perfect so as this is the place to review. I am just saying your negative key points so you can better them.
Regards.

Hello there, Infinity here to review!

Well, I love the spiritual concept of your poem, it's rare to see in most poetry on here and I like the imagery which you included in it. It was a simple and pure piece of writing, I didn't understand it at first but when I did, I realized the beauty of it.

However there are a few suggestions I'd like to make to your poem concerning the flow, punctuation/grammar and general suggestions, that may help improve it further.


"Take me with you when you go

Don't leave me behind

here where I'll surely die, I know"

Here, you say you'll surely die if you're left behind but isn't that the point? When you die he'll take you with him I'd think. Perhaps this would have been a good place to add some imagery of the world he left as he went, and you feeling a longing to be with him.


"I know

Many for a second time"

This line doesn't make much sense, many who do what for a second time? The second line is still the same sentence as "I Know" so it should have a lower case M, as the K should be a lower case.


"Watch for your return each day

as you said so"

I don't want to ruin the simplicity of your poem, but I feel as if this line falls flat, when He said he would return it wasn't a casual statement, they were words that gave people hope that he hasn't abandoned them, it gave them a reason to live on.


"Buried in the peaceful grave,

asleep as it seems so

and awake that fateful day"

This was my favorite part of your poem, beautiful, well done.


"Rise to meet you up in the air

with everyone else who's going"

Here just some minor suggestions, instead of air, I would write heavens.
And I'd like it if you specified the people going with you, a bit of description.

"Its a reunion"

A minor thing but, you've used the wrong "its" that one means it belongs to someone/something, The correct one is, It's.

Overall a great poem, well done and keep writing.
I hope I was of help to you.

-Infinity x

What a beautiful poem to have written.

It is so symbolic of the desperation people have to go with their deceased loved ones to heaven, where all can be united together. That's what your poem said to me anyway.

Truly brilliant concept, keep up the creativity.

Hello there.. Kristina here

First of all, I really like your poem. This is the first poem of yours that I am reading. It is a simple poem, easy to understand. But still, it has a special meaning.

This is so simple yet like a breath of air that stings the inside of your lungs-- it hurts inside when you get the meaning of the words, and finally the comprehension of just how beautifully written this poem was hits you square in the chest. You worked in words with dark meanings, like grave and fateful, with words that remind me of the easy childhood days I spent at church, like home, peaceful, and Lamb.

This poem has underlying notes of depression that can always connect with the reader. When it feels like you no longer have a home, thinking of finally dying and going to heaven where you will no longer feel pain fills the sad void where your heart should be. The feelings described in here are spot on with the thoughts and feelings I have sometimes. And in this, the poem also gives off the subtle glow of hope; one day, the person telling the poem will finally be at home. We all will.

You did an amazing job. This was such a pleasure to read and connect with. Keep up the spectacular work!

-Kev

I think this is beautiful! I don't know if you meant it to when you wrote it, but it sounds like someone who wants to build a home with someone they love and live together and then return to Jesus after they die. It's a lovely expression of what many people want, of simple joys in life. I think this is a very peaceful, beautiful way to look at dying. Thank you so much for sharing your poem!