Published February 18, 2010
Who is my soulmate
The bad guy,
Or the one in good state?
Where is my soulmate
In land or sand,
Or in sky up high?
Why did my soulmate
Leave me alone,
In a day of no dawn?
Is there a soulmate
Who loves and never hate,
Who is ready to cry and die?
Even to fly in the sky
for the sake of the other mate?
But it's really too late
To search for that mate.
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Hi! I liked this! However, I do have a few tiny problems with it. Please refer to comments, and the corrections I have made in green.
What do you necessarily mean by "the bad guy"? "Bad Guy" usually refers to an antagonist in a novel. And the way you set this up, it sounds like, "bad" should be replaced with mean", or "the jerk."
Land or sand? Isn't the sand already part of the land? Also, when dealing with the earth, it is usually divided into three properties; the land, the sea, and the sky.
Errh. I'm not too fond of 'never hates'. Unless your soulmate is a god, that is impossible. We are going to hate things in our life. It's natural human behavior not to fall in love with everything you interact with. I'd delete this part and replace it with someting else.
Aww.
Anyway, I really did like this! Send me a PM if you have any questions, okay?
-Elinor
Awww! I get where you're going with it! However, the words and such are a bit off, but tweak that as you like. The rhyme scheme is hard to follow, but we get the point.
Cheez_Burger!
Nice poem we are all in search of our soul mates but you ll never know who 's your SM unless you let time passes and prove it to you .. i discovered mine after ten years of knowing them and after being through a lot together .
great words and rhythm
wish to see alot more of your writing in the future
wish you all the best