Sad suburban stories.

by nothingface

Published December 16, 2007

A frown is reflected
in a broken-hearted, teenage mothers eye.

My differences rejected
in this facist country's sullen sigh.

With all the same old features. pick your coulor,
choose your tone of voice
to recite the same old worn out prayer.

Todays fathers run off and when children starve and freeze,
and waste away,
they really couldnt care!

We just grow up as hypocrites.
Our brains and hearts so full of shit!

Gaze out my window (into yours)
and watch the tears and how they pour.

Care about our appearance not our mind.
As long the others are'nt innocent WE CAN SHINE!

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
moookau
Review
moookau wrote a review Review · Dec 17, 2007

Good job. I like the biting, cynical feel the poem portrayed to me, and the vivid images that it described. But it seems just a bit too angry or angst-filled for my taste.

n this facist countries sullen sigh.

Grammar bit: countries should be 'country's', as it is showing ownership of its 'sullen sigh'.

Keep on writing! :3



Every time I’ve gotten feedback that was hard to take it was usually hard to take because there was truth in it and I didn’t like that (or didn’t want to receive it). That’s not to say all harsh feedback is good or that we should be harsh for harshness’ sake, but learning to absorb truth without letting it break your inner core/break you is a lifelong skill that keeps your mind elastic and open to learning.
— soundofmind