Kiln- Chapter One *Over 13*

Yes, that was written a year and a half ago, and after reading back over it I realized it was too detailed. I wanted to see, however, if it was just me, or if it really was in need of revision.


Thank you very much for giving it a read

It's good. I got very caught up in it, and I can see it's a story I'd be most interested in fully reading, when it's finished of course.

I liked everything about it, except the first few paragaphs:

Old place really falling apart, eh?” Luke’s heart jolted as an unknown voice spoke from behind his left shoulder. Mind, body and soul were suddenly brought back to together for him, and Luke was once again pulled out of his state of prayer and placed back into reality.
He sighed. The weary exhalation of breath did not even begin to describe the very listlessness which dampened his soul. Stubbornly, he turned in the church pew to see what kind of dense, inconsiderate idiot would interrupt a man’s prayers with casual, meaningless conversation. His hazel eyes fell upon another set of crystal blue ones, which were level with his own. (It seems the other man was kneeling also, but as he obviously had no intentions of doing anything but chatting, Luke couldn’t see why he bothered.) The other man’s eyes held a self-amused sort of look in them which annoyed Luke greatly.