abstractively
ultraviolent.
Daffadowndilly,
love; Daydreaming
bid
doubt
faintheart
by
petals
I.
safflower.
kaoline
Astilbe’s
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
I love how you played with the layout here—scattering the words all over the page forces you to slow down and really take each one in. That contrast between harsh words like ultraviolent and all the pretty plant stuff like safflower and petals is super cool and creates a really interesting vibe!! The massive amount of blank space gives it this awesome, dreamlike feel, it reminded me of looking at some sort of fragmented memory. This is a really bold and creative experiment with form, and your word choices are really well!!
hi! majuli here!!
usually i don't comment or review on poetry thats not straightforward (because im scared i wont understand the true intention of the poem and treat it too lightly), but another comment of yours shows that you agree with the term 'whimsical', hence removing my fear.
so NOW!!
firstly, what drew me in?
i saw the weird, weird, weird title. daffadowndilly? hmm. sounds like a daffodil going...............downwards? yeah i have to read this.
instantly, i saw the format and the first thing i thought was "yeah okay this has to be a whimsical poem".
to be truthful, i dont understand it. but then again, i didnt give much thought to it either. when i see poetry like this, i want to treat it like a pleasant read.
and yours WAS a pleasant read.
thank you for sharing.
haha yeah, daffadowndilly is like a dialect term for daffodil. thanks for reading!
Sooo kewl!! Remind me to review this :3
This is such a cool piece <3
thank you!
Greeting Noridori. Very whimsical piece of work indeed!
The spiral itself gives the vibe of a flower (thanks for the tip-)
I love the layout I swear, never saw anything like this. For me, it's giving very Midsommar vibe, idk why.
"Astilbe's kaoline petals doubt love;" I would love to know what this means.
This piece is really something. Thank you so much for sharing your work. Keep it up! ^^
i'm so glad you liked it! whimsical is high praise, high praise indeed... so usually i'm intentionally vague with my poems because i really enjoy people interpreting them but i'll try to explain my thought process to the best of my ability lol. so basically kaoline/kaolin is a fine, soft white clay and is mostly just used to describe astilbe's petals. the 'doubts love' part is kind of referencing being avoidant, hence the 'bid by i'. when i wrote this the flowers were metaphorical for people like me, young girls with their own stuff to deal with. there's this societal expectation for us to be soft and dainty like flowers, and the adjectives (abstractively ultraviolent, faintheart daydreaming, doubts love) are basically just me describing what's going on inside, but in hindsight i wrote it for anyone who relates to it. thanks again!