I woke to any empty space next to me.
You leave me, but always come back
you’re a tease, aren't you?
I can’t move. What if this is the last time I see you?
Did I make the mistake again?
Why is it so painful to touch you?
I tried to get over you, but your touch is unforgettable.
I long for you to be by my side.
I want to feel your body close to mine.
Even if I lose you tomorrow, I will still love you.
I love you as you are.
I love you.
I will walk into the future with you in hand.
The suffering you've caused me has brought me unforgettable pain.
The days that I walk without you, make me feel the black hole of despair.
I feel lonely
I sit and stare into the rain, each an unshed tear of mine.
You become farther and farther away.
But I still believe you will return.
I want to smile.
I want to heal your hurt.
I wish not to let the feelings to fade, to cause more pain.
Even if you leave me, I will still love you.
Even when you leave with another man, I will still love you.
Forever and ever.
I will walk toward the future, carrying the burden of lost love.
My only wish, is you to be happy.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey there! I'm Onyx and I will be reviewing your poem today!
Comments
Just a viewing thing, I would break it down in verses. Just for most people, a long block of words will cause the eyes to say that is too much and turn the reader away. Just a little tip.
I like this line a lot, it is very deep in my opinion and something I can relate too! Love it!
Over all
There was nothing I could really see as a grammatical error. Great job! Keep on writing and if there is anything else that I can review for your. I would be more than happy to do your review.
~Onyx
Hi noelsugarcube,DK here with review on your poem.
Your poem is indeed different from the others romance poem I have ever read. It is a reality that ever experienced as well. However, the words you use are cliches and wholesomeness is gone, do not gives aesthetic value as I expected. However, you stay able to touched readers here.Good job!
* But gosh,what does it mean by this line?I am totally confuse and I hope you can explain this to me.
Preferably, try to balance the rhythm on your poem too.Some lines become too long well others is short as just 3 words in it.
Overall,nice poem to read.Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers