windshield wipers

Hi Noelani! Welcome to YWS again!

I'm here to leave a few thoughts on your poem. I'll be using the review sandwich model to organize my review.

First Piece of Bread: The Praise!
You used a unique metaphor! This is great, because often people get sick of hearing overused metaphors again and again, by bringing in a new one, you made the poem unique and fresh!

You did a great job bringing emotion into the poem! I would love to know more of the background to why these emotions are present (I didn't feel like we got that reason specifically enough to connect to the speaker) but you did connect the poem to an emotional reaction of pain and loneliness that is a good way to connect to readers.

Your imagery in that first stanza actually flows pretty nicely! I like that it was succinct, but you were willing to change your sentence patterns around here and there. I would have liked to see the rest of the poem utilize these short little lines rather than varying so much in line length. Consistency really helps establish a good flow in poems. Which makes it sound more poetic or musical when read out-loud and less clunky to read.

I'll also add that I enjoyed the alliteration you used here and there especially near the end of the poem. Good technique, for making the poem a more interesting read.

Meat of the Review: The Critique
I would love to see a bit more focus in this piece. You've got a unique metaphor you're working with (the windshield wipers) but some aspects of the poem don't clearly relate to this metaphor -- like the first and second stanza, I'm having a hard time figuring out how they connect. I think if you focused a bit more on connecting your imagery explicitly to the windshield wiper metaphor and giving a bit more descriptions into that it would strengthen the poem.

There's a few grammar and spelling mistakes here and there (like "it's to late to chose" should be "it's too late to choose"), but these are easily corrected with a quick read through or putting it into a spell-checker. I would suggest trying to fine-tune your editing skills for the next piece as a lot of people get really hung up on grammar mistakes and seem to have difficulty focusing on the rest of the piece when they're there. I thought your choice to avoid punctuation was fine though -- it was pretty clear where each thought started and ended, and didn't distract from my reading of the piece as a whole.

Last area of improvement I'll mention is that I think the ending fell a little flat. It didn't seem to give explanation for what the speaker was suffering from in the rest of the poem, and then didn't really even seem to connect. It seemed like an unfinished thought in that last line, so it didn't feel very conclusive.

Last Piece of Bread: The Closing/Overall Impressions
My overall interpretation of this poem was that the speaker feels neglected and turned about by someone that is important to them. This causes them a great deal of pain and they are trying to figure out how to keep living with this pain. Interesting theme, I wish we had a bit more specifics with the how the conflict comes about but I do enjoy many of the poetic devices you used such as alliteration and metaphor.

Best of luck in your future writing and feel free to ask questions if there was something in my review that you had a question about.

Good luck in all of your future writing!
~alliyah

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

So, first thing I notice when reading the poem is that a bunch of places are missing commas. I will just list them for you.

1. "Here I go" This needs a comma after it.

2. "On a cold breezy night" Look! This joins the Comma Club!

3. "I'm holding my feelings inside"

4. "I've been tossed and turned" Guess what, it joins the club!

I did notice a bunch of places missing exclamation points, periods and question marks but you should be able to tell what places need them or not. Should be. For example, after the line "should I go left or right" there should be a question mark.

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us how you feel. From the aching, sinking completely horrid feeling in your stomach. All over you. You are telling us that you are done with your feelings and some parts of your life. You have been strong for way too long and its time you let the tears run down your cheeks, plopping against the skin or floor below. You wish you could stop but no one notices or helps and you can't stop yourself. You have lost someone you truly loved to many times as well, them breaking your heart countless times.

Otherwise, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I need to go now, Grim has some more dead to reap and I ran out of cocoa for him. Cheerios and fruit loops to you!

First, thanks for sharing the very emotionally-powerful poem describing a dilemma of choosing to go left or right. Excellent use of symbols.

Here is my understanding:

The eyes represent our ability to see things as they are or as they might seem to be. They can represent our facilities of perception and ability or lack of ability to understand.

The windshield wipers and cars rushing by seem to be used in this poem to represent an indifferent uncaring world which seems to just mechanically go on despite our personal agonies just as windshield wipers do and just as traffic does.

Actually there is a famous painting which depicts this same concept. It has a very peaceful scene of a world going about its business as usual while a man in drowning in the sea in the far background. It's an experience that many humans undergo. Very painful- believe me, I know.

A few Suggestions:

I've been [twisted] and twined

Now it's [too] late to [choose]

I've been heart[-]broken so many times

Hello noelani2004! Welcome to YWS! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

This review courtesy of

Hey noelani2004, In my view this poem is about an individual trying to commit suicide, and failing at it, but it's not just about that is it? this feeling of being a failure has been with him since long back maybe he never got the approval of his parents and that dented his personality in some way. He clearly thinks of himself as a unredeemable commodity. his confidence has been shattered many times, but I have a question here why is he not numb from the pain just yet?

why is he not abusing himself in some way in order to feel drained or in order to dull the pain?

I am sorry that I am using "He" let's say He/she.

I also get the feeling that HE/SHE is feeling unwanted

Anyways this poem has a nice flow to it rhymes are could but could be better, and I don't think anyone can teach you to rhyme you will develop that as you keep writing so don't worry.

Apart from that great work keep writing.

LittleLee here for a review!!
So, the poem is really, really well written. But in the first stanza, you could have left a gap between the line "cars quickly rush by" and the next one. By the way, you could have made it "cars rush by" because to rush is to do something quickly, right?
Second last line: you changed the tense. I'm guessing it was an accident, but still. It should be "twisted".
The slight rhyme regulates your power over the words, so that needn't be there.
Overall, it's a really sweet poem. I think it's from a girl's point of view, and she's had a breakup, which has happened to her a lot of times​ before. Am I right?
Sorry for the short review... I'm out of practice, I think. And this was typed on my phone.
But yeah. No excuses.

Feel free to give me a review of what you think is bad or good about my poem. Just think.What does my poem mean to you?