Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
Fuck just because my scales are not white my whole life is so difficult what is with Mother and perfectionism it is kinda scary how entire generations of our family obsess over being perfect when in reality no one can unless you are Christ himself Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh now Mother wants me to marry me off so that she does not have to look at my “ugly” scales I for once think that my scales look lovely the amethyst color perfectly fades into my rosy lavender skin huh maybe having such a drastic skin color is why Mother hates me not the scales whatever Mother still hates me UGH! I just wanna scream heck Brother Jack is the same age as me! we both grew up together in the exact same manner the only difference being that Mother actually loves him because of how his scales look exactly like Father’s despite how Mother treats me Brother Jack treats me very well being the older twin that he is he protects me a lot from bullies to unsavory boys Mother says Brother Jack does not have to get married as soon as I because he is a guy he is taking his time to learn about Father’s business so that when Father retires he will take over father’s business specializes in steam power is a new source of energy that generates electricity that is being used to power engines Father says that it is highly efficient and produces less waste anyways Brother Jack was also shocked to hear that Mother planned on marrying me off he always supported my passion for writing he even thought that I would eventually become a well-known author he said quote Tempest’s stories just simply capture your attention and make you forget that time is passing I believe my sister has what it takes to become a great writer Father is even proud of my writing too from a young age, he gave me an education that stemmed from my love for literature even though the criticism he got from sending me to the school he still did it why can’t Mother be happy for me about anything is it because I am a girl is it because I have different scales is it because the literal existence of me is an omen of bad fortune Mother, I wish that you would just love me I want to love you too I wish that you accepted me just as Father and Brother Jack has but I don’t know how to tell you this Mother I really don’t but I am really thankful that Father allowed me to even have an education not many girls my age would like to learn about writing and philosophy they would rather talk about fashion and boys when my peers were busy gossiping about the latest scandal about Sir Jonathan and his most recent fling I was furiously writing like I needed it to survive I poured out my feelings and thoughts like a madwoman I have hopes and dreams you know! I want to become an author a writer an artist in my own craft I hope my writing inspires the next generation of writers I am 18 for God Sake I am not becoming a housewife and giving these dreams up I do not understand why English nobility look down on lowly jobs like painters and writers then again their prejudice does not come as a shock to me these “lowly” jobs do not pay well but for I do not care about riches and jewels if the basic necessities are met I am already quite content with life I have a feeling that Mother did not just marry me off for no reason I suspect that she wants to leverage this marriage to gain even more connections for Father’s business god I hope it is not that gasly Mr. Benson he is as old as the dinosaurs and his so call “beautiful” white scales are fading into cracking grey ones he is rich when I say that he is rich I mean enough money to buy Father’s business seven times Father’s business is not cheap we are fairly wealthy ourselves I heard that he is a vile man as well he is ruthless in his business practices and will use anyone to get what he wants and if anyone is in his way to total domination I have a feeling that he eliminates them afterall how did Mr. Anderson miseriouly disappear after their disagreement about a trade deal between their companies he also treats women he does not find attractive horribly I heard from several women that he bluntly uses derogatory and crude language towards them he is only nice to women when he wants to have sex with them he puts up this facade of a nice old man when in reality he’s a psychopath with lots of money that combination right there is the result in a very dangerous man I also believe that he might a violent psychopath who murders people for his own amusement it may be a far fetched idea but who knows but then again I do not even want to think about the other potential partners Mother has set up for me I think I am going to throw up just from the though of it I believe that women should have the choice to choose their life partners as silly as ot sounds I do believe in a marriage that stemmed from falling in love yes I believe in love it is just not what you think it is it is not candles and roses and dream vacations and destiny and being with the one who completes you it is not the perfect proposal it is not the magical first kiss it is not a gorgeous wedding and a picture perfect family while some of that can be part of it most of that is illusion and fantasy love is messy it is cleaning fleas off of your pets at 3 am the day before a big meeting it is getting in a fight over how much your significant other spends on shoes it is giving significant other a back rub at the end of a long day it is accidentally farting on each other it is apologizing for misspoken words it is complimenting each other when things work out it is being able to smile at each other in the silence it is giggles until 2 am it is making each other cry and having long talks you don't want to have it is messy and it is work but love is wanting to be in that mess with someone who for matters mostly unexplainable by reason means the world to you good relationships last when you can openly communicate you are both mature enough to not huff over small or big problems you are willing to listen you are willing to compromise on little things and are compatible on the big things kids lifestyle goals activities interests space personality you are willing to work on things and you respect each other and give each other space when you need it and togetherness when you need it that is the most important that keeps you two together and never getting tired of each other sometimes you fall in and out of love maybe for a day maybe for a few months you meet a dashing fellow who shows interest and he gets in your head for a day or two your significant other is in a foul mood and being shitty and all you can do is think about this other man then you come to your senses and stop living in a fantasy land and remember why you loved your significant other in the first place or you are going through a hard time and he does not feel like he can talk to you and questions it all but then you surprise him with a homemade meal and a sincere talk and you work it out it is like if you had a pet sometimes your pet feels like another responsibility I gotta go home and feed the fucking cat I just want to go out and not worry about it but then the cat comes over and rubs its head on your hand and sits on your lap and you get it the affection is worth the hassle it is kind of like that in an oversimplified way this statement is a hyperbole but couples out there will get it love is being willing to die for someone that you yourself want to kill you do get tired of your significant other they make you mad they say something fucked up that hurts your feelings they take you for granted they make mistakes they take up your time and other things in your life disappear for that relationship to flourish but you love them when you are together for so long you are a package there is no life without each other if you love each other enough and are not afraid of the commitment it can work out for a long long time love is perfect in our own way I write to exercise my personal demons I do it for the struggle of putting down on paper the image that you have in your head it is a huge challenge and after years of writing I still feel none of my work is "exactly" the way I want it to be but I really enjoy it and I want to further hone my skills an old literature teacher told me once writing never leaves you you can stop now and pick it up in 10 years and you will be at around the same level where you left it it is like riding a bike once you learn you never unlearn it it is a skill that can only get better and better with practice it makes me relax and calm during bouts of depression I would write and write and write to express my emotion pretty sure I aslo wrote some pretty horrifying stories involving serial killers and psychological torture I also write because it is the most satisfying activity I know when I write I am able to forget everything else and get completely into the flow of creativity it is nice to have a successful end product and regular improvement and I suppose if I did not I would be less likely to still be doing it but that is secondary to the process writing also make me very happy and I find it motivating and satisfying to make things that serve no "practical" function in a world that demands so much work just to stay alive making works of literature and reading other literature changes the way I see the external world and the way I experience my inner world too with any luck something I make might change another person's view also these days I just really want to earn a living as an author and to give to other people to brighten their day as it brightens mine all those ideas I have a spinning head as well. It helps me to write them down on the back page of my notebook as they occur to me then I can save them and continue to focus on my current work I do not want to experience an arranged marriage because I want to choose for myself like my parents did for their marriage surprisingly my parents did not have an arranged marriage my parents knew each other since they were kids and were hopelessly in love however after having twins my dad did love me whereas my mom hates me and wanted me gone I am outcast according to my mother I grew up with one minor difference from my fraternal twin brother both of us worked hard to get where we are but because my scales were amethyst and not white she shunned me away from the family I get treated like a second class citizen in my own house and my mother has a habit of downplaying everything I have achieved for myself I realized really early on that my own mother really hates me I tried so hard to be good I tried so hard to be the daughter she wanted me to be but I cannot change my skin I cannot change the way I look she hates me because I was something different something unknown to her I have bonded with my father on an intellectual level that she cannot match and had the same sense of humor I believe that my own mother was jealous and envious of me and she hates me it is not me it is not my fault I was not a difficult child I was not obnoxious there was no justification I can stop fighting for her love I can stop mourning my childhood I can move on because what can you do in the face of a mother's groundless petty hatred nothing just nothing.