Published March 13, 2009
I wrote this as a creative writing assignment last year. We were supposed to compose poems from words and phrases found in magazines.
Falling Hard...
Baby, it's cold outside.
Miss Teen USA is
driving under the influence,
wearing a little black dress.
The mercury's dropping.
Little big man is
one handsome prince watching
Good Will Hunting.
He's a fop, which is sort of
a girlie man
(a little fashion never hurts).
She had a dream
about Rob Lowe.
And Little big man has
a nervous breakdown.
Truth be told?
It is no coincidence.
Turn up the heat:
"Who are you?" she asks.
Little big man says,
"I'm rad."
The upside?
She is a fan of big shots.
Then Miss Teen USA blurted out:
"I'm in love."
Shock waves! High drama
within the castle walls.
Love is in the air.
So, I know this isn't good, but does it make sense? thanksss for any feedback.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,357 Literary Works • 674,380 Reviews
Good job on the poem. I know it's hard sometimes to compose a poem the way you had to. But definitely fix your misspell of "turn".
Hi! I'm Music. So a collage-poem, eh? I'm about to have to do one for my English class. I thought this one was composed pretty well!
A nit-pick:
My favorite stanza:
I thought that this was fun to read. You really turned something that wouldn't have been interesting to me (clippings of a magazine) into something a bit funny and well-written. You even had some imagery in there!
Good job; have fun with those writing prompts.
Love,
Music.
I really liked that poem. Collage-poem. It strikes the right chords, painting images of our modern world in disconnected lines that do make a good story.
Then Miss Teen USA blurted out:
"I'm in love."
Shock waves! High drama
within the castle walls.
Love is in the air.
I like this stanza the best; it also has imagery along with disconnected fluency.
I think your first stanza could have been broken up into two parts. Besides that, I found this really enjoyable, an intriguing read.