The leaves will fall to leave bare branches,
stretched out for some warmth.
The colours will fall from the sky
and be caught in the waiting arms
of the green and brown grass on the earth below.
Wet and muddy from cold rain,
the leaves will stick to the ground.
When you walk,
you will hear the leaves rustle in protest.
It will remind you
of the cool, frosty-aired days to come.
You will remember that autumn afternoon,
when lives changed,
when lips touched,
when love came,
when loss bore down.
Silliness,
people called it.
You will remember that.
Not real,
they said.
You will remember that.
But the most evident memory that you will remember
and keep dear to your heart,
warm like a summers' day and as fun as a winters' night,
will be of that one and only
Autumn Afternoon.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi!
I want to say right off the bat that this is an amazing poem. The rhythm of it is spectacular and I think it may be the driving force behind the entire thing. It sounds lulling and calm and it definitely invokes feelings of autumn.
I love the imagery you wrote like “colours will fall from the sky,” “leaves will stick to the ground,” and “cool, frosty-aired days.” Nothing you write sounds forced or blunt, which makes this so much better because it really captures the mood of the poem. One thing that did bother me, though, is the constant “will”s of the poem. I feel like you could establish it from the beginning, that this has yet to happen but one day it will, and sort of weed out most of the other “will”s from the poem. I loved the repeated line “You will remember that” because it brings us back to the present moment, sort of like a mantra would. That is one instance in which I think you should not remove the “will.” I think the way you ended this poem is also pretty spectacular. It ends on a wonderful note and it gives the reader a sense of conclusion to everything said in this poem.
Keep writing,
Dianne E.C.E.
Sounds like you live where Autumn comes year round.
Cool.
I already welcomed you... But ANYWAYS... Welcome to YWS!!!! Yayy new member! *hugs*
Okay, this was amazing. I love it.
@RoyalHighness already mentioned what I found... And I didn't spot any grammatical errors (besides the missing apostrophes) or spelling mistakes, so good job!
I LOVE this topic. Seasons are very popular to write about, I think, but you made it even more fantastic! You related to something everyone thinks about: the snap of the leaves as you step on them, leaves falling off trees, we all know that, and you put it in beautiful words in a poem!
Again, @RoyalHighness mentioned this, but some lines are rather long. You may want to break up "and be caught in the waiting arms of the green and brown grass on the earth below." and "But the most evident memory that you will remember and keep dear to your heart," and the one below that.
Other than that, I thought this was a truly amazing poem.
Keep up the good work!
~ WillowPaw1
Thank you so much!
*falls in love with your poem*
RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
A few nitpicks:
"summers" and "winters" need some apostrophes.
"Frosty aired," should be "frosty-aired."
The fourth-to-last line is a little long...maybe break it up a little?
Overall, I loved the concept. The imagery was phenomenal. I especially loved the descriptions of the trees and the leaves and the rain. It felt like I was reading Frost, not NinjaWaffles! XD
This is a short review because I don't have much to criticize.
I give this a nine of ten stars because I loved it. Great job!!
WELCOME TO YWS! I guarantee, you'll love it here. I know I do!
thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it! Thank you!