That's pretty good. I couldn't find anything wrong with the spelling or grammer. I'll try to read the others when I get the chance.
z
Chapter 2: Passage to Galeon
How, thought Kwest. How did it happen? He’d never really pondered too deeply about what happened this morning. How did I trip that guy? Well…lucky swing of the leg, I guess.
“Hey, Kwest,” Cere yelled across the ship to the lounge, where Kwest was seated. Cere set the S-14 on autopilot and jogged toward Kwest.
Cere saw his friend’s thoughtful look as he drew near. “Is everything okay, buddy?”
“Huh?” Kwest stated absent-mindedly. “ Yeah, everything’s just fine.”
“Uh…okay,” Cere said, not very reassured. “Anyway, I was just checking if you were okay. We’re about to make the jump to lightspeed, so strap yourself in.”
“Where are we going?”
“To Galeon. I’m sure we can find a job of some sort there.”
Just then, a massive jolt rocked the ship.
“What the….what was that?!” exclaimed Kwest.
“Let’s go to the cockpit and find out.”
They both rushed toward the pilot and front passenger seats.
“Uh-oh….we’ve got a fighter on our tail,” said Cere as calmly as he could.
“You mean there’s an enemy ship following us?”
“Yeah, afraid so. Probably from- !” The ship’s communications transmitter crackled to life.
“This is Captain Jarv of the West Alliance,” the voice said. “I have information from other soldiers that you have disrespected the new government of the island of Xen and its capital city of Gefano.
“Furthermore, you have broken an important law. Namely, you left the island without permission of the new government. I shall escort you down to the planet, where your fate will be decided. If you do not comply-,” the man chuckled to himself. “-you will meet the same fate as your parents and others who have defied the government. You will die!”
Kwest and Cere felt a jolt of fear run through them, but quickly shook the feeling off.
“Reply to me in the next ten seconds,” the man’s gravelly voice stated. “Or suffer the consequences. Ten.”
“Nine.”
“Eight.”
“Seven.”
Kwest and Cere began speedily discussing what to do, making sure they’re voices weren’t heard.
“Six.”
“Five.”
“Are you sure you can do that?”
“Four.”
“It should work.”
“Three.”
“ It’s risky, but we have no other choice.”
“Two.”
“Okay.”
“One.”
Kwest and Cere nodded. Cere began to power down the ship so that the larger fighter’s tractor beam could take it in. The other ship was a D-class Mid-size Assault Boat, with tons of weaponry jutting out of its rounded wings and its somewhat trapezoid cockpit. It could easily blast the meek S-14, one-tenth its size, to pieces.
Suddenly, the S-14 lurched forward, and a piece of the ship’s metalloid hull was stripped from the vehicle, bouncing off of the assault boat’s deflection shield. The assault boat began firing rapidly at the S-14, but before its bright red lasers could land a hit, the targeted ship dashed into hyperspace.
* * * * *
“Kwest…..Kwest…wake up!!” Cere proclaimed at the top of his lungs, shaking the boy wildly. “Come on!”
“Okay, okay, are we there?” murmured Kwest, his voice barely audible over the hum of the engine.
“Yeah, we’ve just arrived at Galeon.”
“Great,” Kwest yawned, stretching his arms out wide. “And is the assault boat following us?”
“No, fortunately Galeon is part of the peace worlds, and the West Alliance knows they don’t stand a chance against the Galeon Army.” Cere sighed, a long, heavy sigh with feelings of joy and sorrow mixed in.
They neared the planet of Galeon, and both of their eyes stared in awe at the capital planet of the Omega Solar System. A few thousand years ago, the planet had begun to split in two because of an enormous earthquake, but two massive metalloid structures were built to link the planet. The planet had no resources, so a giant city was made, eventually engulfing the entire planet until it was almost all one great metropolis.
“It’s incredible!” they agreed.
There was a short, empty silence, but it was soon broken by Cere’s sharp voice.
“Hey, Kwest, I just thought of a great name for this ship. The Barrier,” Cere thought up somewhat randomly.
“Why, because its hull is falling apart?”
“Hey, we’ll get it fixed, okay?”
“Heh, you’re right. But we need a job first.”
Cere flipped out his datapad. “I’m one step ahead of you. Take a look at this.”
“A restaurant?” Kwest pointed out.
“Well, we’ve gotta start somewhere.”
“Well, yeah…”
Kwest and Cere glided off toward Galeon, their new life, little aware that all too soon destiny would catch up with them and make them play its game.
____________________________________
So yeah, it took a while to get out, but it's here. Chapter 3 will have way more action, for those who thought this was boring.
your one and only slacker ninja of the hidden ewok village: Zoltan.
That's pretty good. I couldn't find anything wrong with the spelling or grammer. I'll try to read the others when I get the chance.
just wanna say part 3 is longer and taking thought so sorry. thanks to all who posted!
oh tim quit that licky thing thats a weird smilie...
~gotta work on story, no time for anything else!!!!
I've already critted this bro...so i won't repeat.
Anywho, everyone go read my story!!
Very muchy connected to Z's.
so yeah both mine and timeas stories are connected to anyone that was wondering. thank you, that hopefully clears some things up. pm me if you have any more questions! i'll be glad to answer .
umm..the s-14 will be described...at other times, to say the least. the 2 ships never collided..and i shall work on the five senses thing in other chapters, that's a good recommendation that I never really thought about ! oh, and please read ch. 1 snoink!
your one and only Z_
I enjoyed your story very much! I had my sister read it and we both read it together. On first glance, I thought the dialogue was too simple, etc., but upon reading it out loud, it was fun! It was delightfully cheesy and just a fun romp. And, best of all, I understood it without having read the first chapter (although now I am curious what the first chapter is like).
Anyway, I think it was actually very well-paced and, if you made it faster or with more action, I think it really make everything a bit more confusing. So just keep that in mind when you continue this story.
Thanks for sharing!
Hey, came to read part 2!
I thought it was pretty good. One line could use some review:
And Kwest and Cere headed off toward Galeon, their new life, little aware that all too soon destiny would catch up with them and make them play its game.
you are right: i do need to work on seperating the two personalities.
however, the skirmish wasn't too important to make much longer.
I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
I liked this chapter. I'll admit that you could have spent longer on the conflict with the other ship and more description would be nice but it's a pretty good chapter. Perhaps you need to work on seperating Cere and Kwest's personalities. Seenas Cere is supposed to be a technical genius, perhaps have him talk in a more mature tone or something. That would help. Overall though, I liked it and look forward to the next part.
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