Published January 18, 2008
Halo: THE FIGHT WORTH FIGHTING -prologue
6 hours 40 minutes (approx.), March 4, 2537
Planet Beckon, Epsilon Omicron system_
“Sergeant, what are our orders?” Corporal Gibson yelled into his helmet’s microphone.
“Give ‘em hell, Private.” Sergeant Lucas Newman, called Sergeant Luke by his men, yelled back from his Hawk. The fighter jet sliced through the air as it neared the scene of carnage. As the battle came into view, he continued, “Aim at that squad of Ghosts approaching your position!”
As dawn broke and the sun shimmered into view, he watched from his cockpit as a couple of Scorpion tanks sent some tattered Ghosts flying, the luster of their purple shells reflecting the sun as they went spinning. “No way I’m gonna miss out on all the fun.” But before he neared the Ghosts, a group of Banshee fliers came to intercept him and his squad of Hawks.
“Damn, got to take care of a few covenant ships first. Save some Ghosts for me, okay?” His Hawk and the squad of four others swerved to face the Banshees. “Fire rockets, men!”
He watched as one Banshee was hit…and the remaining three boosted to the left, a purple mist left behind, slashing through the atmosphere. Before the Banshees recovered, another was damaged by a round of machine gun bullets. But the fighter didn’t swerve off, though it had a failing engine. Instead, it curled into a full-force assault on the squad leader. Which happened to be Lucas.
“Oh, shit!” he cursed as he tried to avoid the oncoming elite’s Banshee. He fired all his torpedos. Surely, the elite must be dead by now. But the banshee kept coming, its plasma cannons on automatic. It followed him perfectly, gaining speed rapidly. He had about 10 seconds before it smashed into his Hawk, downing him and probably, in turn, killing the entire squad.
Probably five seconds now, and he’d be no more. He prayed for a miracle…and it came in the form of a selfless teammate colliding with the Banshee from the side. The Banshee missed by inches. He gave a short, grim smile as he saw the corpse of the Elite drowning in his own purple-gray blood, wearing tattered armor and giving one final yelp.
And then he noticed something he hadn’t noticed previously. The small figure of a UNSC Marine floating gently downward towards the battle zone. Luke let out a sigh of relief. That’s one less casualty for man. His smile returned, but just as quickly turned into an angry stare.
“Men,” he said ,”show ‘em no mercy!” He brutally finished off the. Or rather, his team of four shot down the enemy. No, five. He led his team to the ground effort, and later that day, the fight was won by them, the UNSC Marines. And he got plenty of Ghosts to blow to bits.
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He had been a Sergeant Major Grade Three, teetering on becoming a Gunnery Sergeant. Now he was Gunnery Sergeant Lucas Newman. Another medal for the formal uniform. But this wasn’t as great a pride for him as leading such trustworthy and honorable men into battle.
However, his joy was met with great responsibility, maybe even fear at the task at hand. After all, the UNSC forces were spread so thin, his group was the only thing between the Covenant and Beckon. He’d better keep it that way, for the sake of all the citizens trapped on the planet.
This was only the first battle in what would be a long line of fights and skirmishes. Time to get to work.
Zoltan Says:I didn't make up the Hawks they're introed in Halo Wars. In fact, I won't make up any technology in this book. So expect the Wolverine to pop up eventually.
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,335 Reviews
hey great first chapter. you gave me the idea to start typing up some scifi military story sometime.
WEll, i like halo alot and this story so far is pretty good. i cant wait to get on to the other chapters. It was entertaining to be able to read something that feels like im playing the game. Then... soemtiems the feeling of playing the game is too unrealistic detail wise t obe made into a story. ive read the stories adn they never quite gave me that feeling. It gave me a more indepth more real vision of Halo. Not like Halo is too realistic but i hope you get what i mean haha. OTherwwise its pretty good and entertaining
This whole portion of text made no sense to me..Did you mean to say that he finished the battle? If so get rid of the brutally, to me that sounds more as if he was committing mass murder. Same with the off, it doesn't belong if that's what you meant to say. That last portion seems like you skip to and sum up the end of the battle in two sentences, way too out of place.
Ending the story, thus far, the way you did is a little cliche' and doesn't fit at all. Try explaining how the battle ended in more detail, and maybe have him say something about his satisfaction instead.
I think you have a good idea, but you need to work on your writing little bit, the whole things feels so choppy when i read it, try to make it flow a little better. Otherwise, I as a Halo fan myself would like to see a good halo story, even if it doesn't flow into the actual canon halo world.
Guess who's finally gonna crit your stuff???? lol
Critting as I go, bro:
Good so far, but I think you should use a more description word other than 'came'.
Covenant should be capitalized.
Aren't these all Covenant ships they're fighting?? I really don't get why you had to put that whole quote there...
Elite should be capitalized, right?
I don't get this sentence.
'the' what, Z??
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Pretty good, bro.
I have taught you well.
Just a few missing descriptions.
~Your big sis
First I must say...
HALO!
...How with that behind us I must say it was okay, but it was not filled with tha much actually. If you add more to this, I would read this. So PM me when you get the next one out.
Keep on writing.
Great piece, you captured the intense moments of Halo brilliantly. I would say that the battle scen was slightly short, which is what tends to happen when you write such parts. Apat from that, very chatty, interesting style you showed us, well done!
Hello again, Z! Ah, I remember when I played Halo. I was all over Xbox Live. xD Now my brother is, but he still plays the SW comp game more often. And then the third Halo came out and no one plays the old ones anymore.
Anyway, the critique!
*squeals* I know what a Ghost is! *jumps up and down excitedly* I wish I wasn't so rusty at the game now! XD
This is a run-on. Try something like this: As dawn broke, Scorpion tanks shimmered into view. From his cockpit, he watched more beat-up Ghosts fly into view as well, their purple shells reflecting the sun’s rays. It's not very good, but gives an idea. Just shorten the sentence or split it into two.
This seems awkward. His Hawks and four others from a different squad swerved to face the approaching Banshees. Is that better?
I don't much like the word 'yelled' in this instance. Maybe 'cursed' or 'muttered' or 'said fiercely' or something else.
Ooh, check this out!
Or just use double dashes.
Repetitive adverbs in this case is awkward.
You said 'probably' in the previous sentence. ^^
This is awkward. I think you missed a word or two?
Use a colon instead of a period at the end.
Not good at all, lol. Don't use 'oh' like the author forgot to write something. Either incorporate this earlier into the story or just smooth it out. In the process, he blew plenty of Ghosts to bit.
He had been a Sergeant Major Grade Three, coming close to the rank of Gunnery Sergeant--key words being had been. Ja? Nein?
Wait, now I'm confused. In the previous sentence, we assumed he never reached the rank.
I agree with Gladius at this point.
I didn't fall for it this time!
I loved it! ^^ I love reading Halo fanfics. I understand them a lot more than SW, probably because there's fewer Halo books and I've read two of them.
I like how you started out the story with the time and place. However, didn't the books also start with the year? Is this after the Spartan, John, or before when Spartans were still being created/trained? It's not really a priority, I'm just anxious to see how the Spartans play into this (as Gladius said
Good job, though. I think the battle scene could last a bit longer. As a gamer (especially of games like Halo), I like battles. A little blood doesn't hurt at all. In fact, it improves. Maybe a few tricks here or there. I know in the games, they always somersault, right? Or the men are usually chicken? I dunno. I just can't wait for the characters to develop, I guess.
I would love to read more of this. Keep writing and PM me ASAP! Lol, no, take your time--as much time needed to make it wonderful. ^_^
Jabber, the One and Only!
It was pretty good, but follows no real parts of the Halo story line and it seamed like you scrunched it all together, like you had five mins to put it down or something. You also should think about a little back ground intel and better character detail. Overall it was good dont think I didnt like it. I am just a die hard Halo fan!
Good job! I can't wait to see how the Spartans play into this.
However, one thing: Lucas mentions the people living on the planet as being 'commoners.' In a soldier's book, that would be incorrect; soldiers call them 'civilians.'
I'll try to get to a more in-depth crit later, but I'm a bit buys. ^^; Good job, though, keep going!
Very nice! The only problem I found was that there were a few words that needed to be fixed like:
I think there should be another word after and the
Other then that, it was great! By the way, Do you have Xbox live?
~Spirit