Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Note: This is all fiction and in no way reflects me.
I was at my friend's house doing a homework assignment when I got distracted by his pet spider. It was a huge tarantula. I did not understand why my friend had such a pet so I did what I always do why I don't understand something...I stared.
"Hey Maya! Pay attention!" my friend Paul screamed in my ear.
I got startled and accidentally knocked over the spider's case letting it loose.
I started panicking because that thing really creeped me out. I tried to kill it but I got yelled at by Paul and fell down next to the tarantula.
It bit me.
I panicked even more.
Remembering something I had learned at school, I started dancing the Tarantella Dance.
Paul looked at me like I had gone mad.
Midway through my dancing I remembered something else. I yelled,"Oh crap, Paul dance with me or else it'll be bad luck. Don't worry I'm not trying to woo you or anything. I'm just trying to sweat the poison out!"
Paul already frightened by me reluctantly agreed.
Days later after that whole mess of me being bitten got solved, I was at was at school and the teacher had assigned another group project.
I went over and asked Paul if he wanted to be my partner.
He replied, "Never again Maya...Never again."
I had sadly lost a friend.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!
I found this story hysterical! In a good way of course! Just everything that happened in this story made me chuckle inside. From the knocked over cage to the Tarantula Dance. I have to tell you, I was definitely expecting something different. I was expecting something a bit more serious, not something so lighthearted. But of course, I enjoyed it either way
The only thing that really bothers me is the very last line.
I really don't think that Paul would not want to be friends with Maya after the Tarantula incident. She didn't do anything bad. She only accidentally knocked over his spider's cage and then tried to get him to do a crazy dance. Neither of those events seems like something to lose a friendship over.
There's really nothing else I can say about this. It's not long or in depth enough to review character development or imagery. It's just a fun little piece that I enjoyed reading.
I can't wait for the next story, "So I wrestled with a bear..." XD
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey! Care for a review?
I loved this, truly. It's so random and hilarious! I like how you wrote... kind of in that 'guess what I did today!' way. Writing it in that style made it more humorous, and fun... I think.
There was a few things though, that I'd like to mention. First of all this story, in my opinion, could use a little more punctuation.
Notice the only punctuation in that sentence, is a period? It's a pretty long sentence, it needs a few commas so we can breath. Here's how I'd put it:
If the bold works, which, hopefully it does... you can see the comas I've placed in there! Punctuation is really important, it can change the whole meaning of your sentence. Without punctuation, we don't know how you'd like it read. Seriously, Iggy had a perfect thing on it. I'll see if I can remember how it went:
See how it changed the meaning completely?! Is it not beautiful?!
Anyway, enough of punctuation. I realize I kind of went to town on that, sorry.
So second, I wanted to point out a few typos, so you know where they are:
The 'why' in bold, I think you meant to put a 'when' instead.
You just have 'was at' twice in there... I do that all the TIME!!! XD
Anyways, I thought this was really great... and I couldn't help thinking about The Amazing Spiderman. I've been kind of stuck in that mind set for a while, since I only watched it a couple month ago. So, see you around, sorry for rambling about punctuation! DX
See you around!!!
-Socks
Hello there!
At first glance of this short story I would say that it's very thin. Which I find actually works to its advantage. Due to it's size this review will be rather thin too.
I did find it rather funny and since I hate spiders myself I could relate. That being said some things confused me. Mostly the part about the 'Tarantella Dance.' Having your readers rushing to google isn't really a good thing. If you explain what it is in the story and why it's bad luck to do it alone then it would save the confusion.
Tarantula tarantula everybody loves tarantulas when you see a ball of fluff where your hampster was it was probably a tarantula!
Welcome to the site! Let's review this.
Now, this is quite humorous. You should mark it as humor.
Ok, the only nitpick I saw was where you were missing a space after a comna.
What is the Tarantella Dance? Also how would it be bad luck to dance it alone? Many questions I have for you, many I shall not say. The structure of this is very good and you follow the storyline quite well. I needed a laugh for the day. I hear it keeps one alive and the heart healthy. Thanks a lot and keep writing!
-lost
Thank you for this piece. It was a nice break from the darker pieces i have been reading. It made me laugh and if you can make someone laugh, you have done something right! It is always nice to let go of the more serious sides of life, and enjoy the simplicity of it. So, nice job and keep up the writing!