Published September 16, 2008
I gave you my heart and you broke it,
millions of shattered pieces with dying blood,
Then you threw it back at me but all I said was
"keep it were done."
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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
aye. you need to fix the grammar in this. you need a comma after me in the last line.
sorry if it seems a bit harsh.
"Then you threw it back at me, but all I said was"
Also, Then shouldn't be capitalized unless you put a period after blood. If you do put a period, it's not a good idea to start a new sentence with Then. Uh..
We're not were, were is like.. we were able to, we're is we are able to. there should also be a comma, because it feels like a pause to me.
"keep it, we're done"
other than that it was a well written, but short, poem. its got a nice tone to it, I've not quite heard a heart break poem like this, but then again I don't usually read poems
Hey,
I'm not so sure about the grammar but I really liked the poem. The ending was very clever, Surprising.
Well done, Keep writing.
C.C
i have another work i don't think you saw it
First of all, you need to do two reviews before you post anything of your own, then keep a 2 to 1 ratio. The more reviews you do, the more people are going to want to critique your stuff.
Okay. Now to your poem.
It was a little short, and I would have liked you to elaborate more. It just seemed like a little piece of a longer poem. The imagry in it was good, though.
You ignored punctuation in these last two lines. It should be:
Then you threw it back at me, ut all I said was
"Keep it. We're done."
Just add on a little, and I think that you have a good poem.
Let me know if you post anything new.
-Sea-