sorry this was quickly typed. no caps...mb, just want to see comments on the style
she woke up on her birthday and looked in the mirror,
realizing something she never noticed before
her life changed forever.
many people would look at her differently if she breathed a word of it.
who just wakes up one morning and realizes that they have been an entirely different person there whole life,
scared and confused and no one to run to,
she cried in the back bathroom stall and wondered how this could have happened to her.
she had never felt this way until now
in her senior year of high school, how could she have missed it?
all the signs were there, she just couldn't bring herself to admit it.
then, it became clear.
it had to be her, and just as this thought occurred to her,
the reason she felt this way walked into the bathroom and knocked on her door.
unlocked and open I embraced her
now wanting more than ever for her mothers love,
she braved her in the face and told her,
she told her everything confessed and cried.
then her mother lost it.
her mother told her to never come back again,
don't call or ask for money.
in an instant her world as she knew it changed.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
i wasnt trying to be honest. its not only about me but im a leader or a gsa at my school so its something thats important to me.
thank you to everyone.
We had one case of giving poem for Christmas present already... Never mind...I'll say the same thing...If it's from your heart then it's OK (Yes, you can write that you hate someone if you want)...as long it's honest i don't mind...
I admire your honesty, it is refreshing to see a piece not polluted by stressed metaphores.
But it is almost too simplistic, I think if you widen your vocabulary you could have a really nice Beat-eque poem here.
At any rate, I can feel your passion. And thats more important than most things.
its actually up to tthe reader interpertation, but it was about a girl and her sexuality. something that one of my friends is struggling with very badly and i just want a few reviews before i gave this to her for christmas.
Thanks!
I liked this poem, but it was confusing. How you don't specify why her life is changed forever. Also, it wasn't really written like a poem, rhythmic. It was kind of all over the place and the reader is left confused, especially when you introduce the part about the mother.
NIT PICKS
The whole poem is written in 3rd person up until this point. You might want to change it.
This is an extremely awkward sentence. Switch it around a little to make it sound better.
Lost what? Her temper? Her job? Her mind? Specify.
Cool. Probably needs a little touching up, and if it were anyone else in my school, they wouldn't have understood it, so maybe you'd have to make the meaning a little clearer next time.
good work.