The Light is Fading

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was a fun little skit here...a little bit of an abrupt ending there somewhat but I think the overall epicness of that balanced it out quite well...also seems like a solid starting point for a longer story if this was meant for that. Well anyway, more details down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The light from the torch casted shadows over the cave drawings. They leaped and danced as I walked through the tunnel. The voices of the leaders floated down to meet me, of course they would already be in session. Nobody ever expected me to show up. I rounded the last bend to find myself in an open chamber filled with disputing lords. A eerie hush fell over them as I entered, and made myself around them to my spot. I turned to face them and took a seat.

"It is now about 2:00 in the afternoon and it is already dark"

"Of course Zenoba. We all knew that, and that is why we are gathered." Lord Kinoff replied. His voice sounded weary, and with all the stress we had been feeling, tired.

Lord Dena stood. "I propose a quest. A journey to the fae." He looked at me when he said the last part. "The time has come to overcome our differences and join again together to fight the evil that rests in our land."

"It sounds great and all, but what makes you think the fae will listen to what we have to say," Lady Inpesi stood across from him,"We have nothing to barter with and they are already much stronger then us."

It was time for me to speak. "I will go. It is time I returned to my people, and with the darkness coming over us there is no better time to go and spread my light." I stood as the others sat, and started to walk among them. "You have given shelter to me during my travels, and I thank you for that, but my people wait for my return." "I will leave immidietly, and when I reach my people I will fight for you in our courts." I turned from the room and picked up an already waiting sack by the door. I strapped on my blades, hung my quiver, and readied my bow. I had left the abruptly, but it was the way. I drew my gift from within me, and summoned the light. My hands flared briefly, but quickly dimmed down to a subtle glow. I walked slowly down the tunnel taking one last look at the ancient drawings, and stepped out into the darkness. I had spent many years with the humans waiting for the time to join again with those I called my brothers and sisters. I had run from my duties long ago, but I had learned from my journeys, and was ready to return. I felt the power come coursing through my veins. The very power I often tried to push down and keep hidden. A new energy came to me, and I began to run back to my homeland.

An excellent start for a story. I can totally see this becoming something great. But I felt that when your character left it was very abrupt and just left me hanging. Why wouldn't the other characters say anything or doing anything as she left? I just thought that it was missing something. You also need to describe some more emotion. It seemed like to me you were just telling a simple story and not taking the time to tell the reader how the characters feel.

Just a suggestion though! Hope you continue this story.

Bye!

~BookWolf

This is cool; I like it. If you're planning to do something more with this, you should add a lot of material in the conversation between the leaders and the main character's arrival. And I have a question: Why is the main character carrying a torch when he/she can just use his/her power of creating light? Otherwise, this is great, and you should write more. I'm interested....

Hey Nightflyer!

I guess I should start off with a nice, warm welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy yourself here.

I checked out your work because I really liked your title. It's quite a good and interesting title. As I finished reading this though, I had a couple of thoughts.

Those were, mainly; This was a pretty well written work, and hey, why is this tagged as a short story? I can only assume that you tagged this in the wrong category, because this doesn't work at all like a short story. It's just a scene. No point and no conclusion.

I'm guessing this is the beginning of some larger story you may be working on in some way. Whether this is the first chapter or a prologue of some kind. Though, I'd go with the first chapter, as I often tend to disagree with the necessity of any prologue. There's rarely instances where what you write in the prologue, you can't convey through any chapters.

So, how is this work itself then? Well, I got my interest. But that's about it. You seem to be setting up a story which could have some cool potential, but it's incredibly short and we know next to nothing about the overall plot you are going for. What does happen in this part is then out of any context. We have no idea who these people are and we have no clue about what these 'fae' are.

What you have written in this work though, is written pretty well. You have a lot of good descriptions, have few grammatical errors and you write good dialogue. Overall, what I'd advice you to do is just write more. I'd rework this into a first chapter, fill in some more to set it up more properly and then begin your main character's journey. And of course, define your MC, because as of now, I know nothing about it.

Alright, I'll quickly go over a few things I noticed:

Edit

The light from the torch cast shadows over the cave drawings.

The voices of the leaders floated down to meet me; of course they would already be in session.

A eerie hush fell over them as I entered, and made my way around them to my spot.

"Of course Zenoba. We all know that, and that is why we are gathered."

"It sounds great and all, but what makes you think the fae will listen to what we have to say?"

"You have given shelter to me during my travels, and I thank you for that, but my people wait for my return." "I will leave immidietly, and when I reach my people I will fight for you in our courts."

I had left them abruptly,

I walked slowly down the tunnel, taking one last look at the ancient drawings, and stepped out into the darkness.

I had spent many years with the humans, waiting for the time to join again with those I called my brothers and sisters.

I liked this, I thought is as cute and somewhat the beginning to a full novel, (if that is what you would want to do with this work.) However, there are some things that I would like to point out...

1.) Characters: I only saw one in this story that was described enough for me to get a sense of them. I would really like to know more about the others, who is this Lady Inpesi and Lord Kinoff. You mention them but I don't really feel like they are really there (if you know what I mean). I am not asking you to make this crazy long so you can go into full description about these two characters but could you at least give me something, like the way the speak or something? As well, there isn't a lot about the Main Character (MC). You state in the beginning that nobody expected the main character to show up, well I want to know why? Is the MC a shadowy figure or does the MC just never care. Details, especially in a piece this short are crucial. You don't have to change this to a six page long work but it would make your story stand out more with detail.

2.) Plot: This is what I would recommend you focus the most on. You start the story off fairly nice, it might help to explain the MC's journey into the meeting room more (like the smell of the tunnel or whatever the MC is walking along. Things like that which help enhance the story.) But when I get towards the end, it feels rather rushed and to 'scripted.' I thought it weird how your MC already had a bag ready and knew what was being said in the meeting, (since obviously s/he was late.) I also don't know enough about the MC to fully understand why s/he automatically came to the collusion s/he did. This kind of ties in with the previous paragraph, who are s/he's people. You threw things at us one right after the other and it just left me, as your reader, confused and full of questions. Slow down, don't be afraid to write more then this, as long as it gets the story across clearly.

Overall I thought it as interesting, and as I said before I really think that this can be turned into a full novel. Good luck and continue writing, can't wait to read more and hope I helped.