Young Writers Society

I liked it, very deep. =)

Um...I'm sorry, but I don't think this was a poem. I think these were a couple of sentences. Know the difference? Sentences tell, poems let you feel the end result. People don't just want to hear a poem, they want to caress a poem. They want to taste, smell, breathe a poem into their blood and languish in the poems texture as it burns through their veins. I want a poem about you. I want a poem about your heart and soul. I want a happy poem, a love poem, a sad poem, an I miss my dad poem! Really, I just want a poem.

OK, I'll be nice *lol*. My only crit that I saw that at the end...well, duh, don't you usually use a knife to hurt someone (or a pat of butter?) Other than that, it was pretty good. Short and sweet, though it sounds a lot like a poem that everybody else does just because it sounds kinda cool...just be a little more original later, K?

The things you said in this paragraph--I mean--poem [excuse me], were true and this is the part they I enjoyed most. However, it just didn't seem to flow like a poem. It was just like a ... quote. It would be find if it were a quote. Hey...and idea for a new section...thanks nickelpickel [geez, where did you get that name from?]

I might as well be reading Webster's dictionary...wait a minute! You stole this, didn't you! Didn't you!? I knew it...right here in the Oxford English Dictionary. You could at least try to make a poem.

Again, its cool, but nothing we havent heard before. I get the impression you're just mouthing the words here, if you know what I mean. Using borrowed images for something you have no experience with. Poetry is personal. Make it personal. I'm not saying you have to spill your deepest darkest secrets, but what makes great poetry is the passion, the emotion behind it. This is flat. Its a picture with no depth, like chocolate without sugar and toast without butter. We need flavour!