Published June 29, 2013
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,290 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Hey There.
I don't know how you guys manage to do it. Sonnets are like a Lose situation for me. Always. It's the fourteen line rule which is the challenge; limits have always been a weakness.
Back to your poem. Interesting, witty, charming, engaging and deep.
Loved it!
Harshita
Hey there, Nicholas! I'm June,
I'm an avid appreciator of sonnets, but I can't write them myself because they're incredibly challenging for me, so I applaud your efforts. I also applaud the fact that it's not a mushy love sonnet.
I'm having trouble making sense of your opening line;;; I think I have an idea of what you want to say, but it sounds weird-- why not switch "I" and "thoughts" around so it says, A man of thoughts I thought myself to be?
Myrrrr, I'm not sure how I feel about the usage of the word unwitting-- I think you mean admitting, aware, accepting, etc, but unwitting feels like an odd word choice and kind of throws off the balance of the line. Or so in my opinion at least.
I also think the second-to-final line could be worded a little stronger. On the whole, I enjoyed; you have a good command of words, and an even better command of well-timed rhyme. Two thumbs up and happy review day!
June
Hi nicholas42! This is reviewer, GG.
This poem was very deep, and so therefore, very interesting. You brought forth the confusing parts of our minds, the intricate parts.
Okay, there are a few things that I would like to mention, though.
Punctuation would be a wonderful thing to be inserted here. It gives a poem more professionalism.
"And so this means I must request of thee
The help from you to make a better me."
I realize that it is a style but you have more chance of having a poem loved when you just do a few simple things to tie it all in! From what I have seen. : )
I do not want to go much further because I am not an expert when it comes to Sonnets. I think you did an excellent job and I think YWS would love to see more of your stuff!
GG
Hey, I liked this piece very much! I liked your use of the English sonnet style and I think you did a great job implementing it in the story you were telling.
I don't have much to say in terms of grammer since I am not a big grammer expert so I will let other reviewers do that. But at first glance, everything looks grammatically correct.
It appears that you followed all the rules of an English sonnet. Maybe with your next poem you could start diving into other styles though? There's nothing wrong with a good old English sonnet, but maybe you could start exploring and delving into other meters and rhyming patterns. Just a suggestion though.
I think this poem flowed very well and I have no problems with anything there.
Sorry for the short review, but I'm really tired and promised myself one more review before I went to bed. All in all, I think this is a great poem and you implemented the English sonnet style very well. I hope to read some more work by you in the future and continue writing!
This is without a doubt an excellent attempt at an English Sonnet: you follow all the key rules, with the fourteen line structure and the rhyming couplet at the end. There is also very clear use of iambic pentameter, which is key: and is very effective as well.
Sarah
The meanings within this piece of work are beautiful: you have showed how love has caused the conversion of a logical mind with ease: the language use and repetition of 'You' reflects this. The rhyming pattern is steady and well controlled, and allows myself as the reader to take in each individual word, rather than being confused by a complex pattern that one has to stop and think about. This emphasizes the presented ideas very well. In fact, I am in envy of the control you have demonstrated here: each word has been clearly used with forethought and with a purpose.
One thing I would say is this: your sonnet has the makings of a Shakespearean sonnet, but I am not sure if you were attempting his style, or going for an original one of your own? If you were attempting it, rhyming patterns used in the style were abba, as opposed to the pattern in your work: abab. I thought it would be wise you let you know, just in case!
This is a brilliant piece of work, one to give to your sweetheart no doubt! I hope to read more of your work in the future: keep writing!
Amazing.
This is really beautiful. I don't know the rules for an 'English sonnet', but I really love it and get the meaning. I really love the last stanza, but all the other stanzas are superb as well.
Great job!! Keep up the good work!
-Wonder