I'm a creator of things,
yet a gear being worn down.
I do not desire for things with my mind,
yet hope for things with my heart.
I exceed in mind and body,
yet am out-shined constantly.
The young look up to me,
Yet my peers question my means.
I know whatever I want to,
Yet something always puzzles me.
I'm a singer of songs and teller of tales,
but remain mute in public.
I want nothing when offered,
yet hunger for something always.
Nothing escapes my thoughts,
yet I'm not good enough (so I'm told).
Adaptive and living are my thoughts,
though engraved stone is my base.
I am extremely queer,
yet I make sense to me.
Ignorance is my bane,
yet idiots surround me.
I am exactly who I say I am,
yet I never reveal myself when I can.
I am content always and often happy,
yet when the rains come they hit hard.
Chaos is my name,
from which all things come.
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Finding the words to describe onesself can be difficult, but you did it pretty well. Write on!
Yay! I love people telling me something is wrong. People really do care.
To ruberduck, thanks for pointing that out. I will change it right away. And because you helped me out, I will tell you that it really annoys me when people are stupid/ignorant, yet they keep being not smart. Get with the program already!
To BenFranks. Behold? That's a little too much. It doesn't make sense to me. However, you might be onto something with the semicolon. I'll look into that.
Thanks for all the encuraging words. I might have another poem soon if anyone's interested.
Nic
Hey there!
At some points the contradiction seems a bit like, oh over-used..., but you make it up by using a positive variation of vocabulary to illustrate your point, so it was very entertaining to read. Just a few points:
I really liked the mystery of this poem, how things are implied and the way your perfections are brought across yet they're always tamed down by the perceived imperfections of your character's voice. It's very unique in a way!
Sounds better I think, but it's upto you.
This is good in the sense it secures the message for those who perhaps couldn't quite get it before, but it's also bad in the sense that if someone reading your poem interpretted who you were differently, the mystery and there interpretation is thrown away because you've told them what you are. This is where you'll get your divide of readers, because I think that mystery was one of the strongest points to your poem, but then another reader might feel that this is a vital ending. So it's up to you.
I think your structure is controlled well and the line lengths give it a good fluency. The punctuation is good in the sense it creates a rhythmic feel to the poem with the , . , . , . pattern. Though, at some points nearer the end I feel a little like the full-stop/period is making the fluency seem a little jumpy, so perhaps you should use a semi-colon instead? Just a suggestion!
Hope this helped,
Ben
Hi there.
This poem was really good, and there were few mistakes as far as I could tell.
Did you mean 'queer'?
A 'quire' means a 'collection or gathering of leaves in a book or manuscript; a collection of 24 or 25 sheets of paper' (I looked it up on thefreedictionary.com.).
I didn't really understand this bit. Could you explain it to me please?
Overall, you did a really good job with this piece.
Keep writing!
Hey nicchaos!
I really enjoyed this poem! The length was well done!I loved how you introduced a good aspect of the person and then you said a contradiction. They really worked well with everything. Even though this isn't structured into stanzas, it flows wonderfully. Continue to write pieces like this and you can go far.
Excellent work!
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter
Great work on your bio-poem (if this does indeed run parallel to your life).
Fine writing I can't imagine writing a poem about myself not that I'm conceded.
Just it might be a bit hard for me.
Anyways great work and hope to see more from ya!
-Dawn
Hey. I thought that this was really good. I tried writing something like this a bit back, but I failed. You did well though. I thought that the contradictions worked well, and that I understood why you put them in. The only thing I have to say, is that it might be a little better, if it was broken up a little more. Otherwise, it just looks like a long line of text. (Just my opinion.) But other than that, I thought I was really good. Good job.
I wrote this when I was trying to define myself. Some parts are cryptic and may only make sense to me, I"m good with that. The part at the end comes from Greek mythology. Chaos was the swirling dark mass that the earth and the sky and time and space came from. I creating things as a writer. I just thought it fit.
loving it...
what is it about though?