All the morals I have constructed,
with careful guidance and support,
are in jeopardy of crumbling
under the weight of questions.
If my morals are so correct,
as everyone has told me they are,
why do I get nowhere by staying strong,
while those who don’t care have everything.
They appear to have a rock,
a rock like the one I anchor myself to,
but their rocks are sand now,
and the wind blows them everywhere.
I had determined that knowing what’s right
and knowing what will destroy you
will keep you safe and happy
and all will envy your sturdy rock.
But floating on the breeze,
not caring what you mash into,
seems to yield more of everything
that I know is to be sought after.
What then should I do?
Should I break all form and habit
and brave whatever I may smash into?
Or am I to remain unmoving?
No one cares for the danger.
They have too much fun on the coaster.
And though their destruction is certain,
they don’t have a scratch on them.
And if I do chose to smash my rock
to the point of never getting it back,
could I do it? Or could I not?
To smash seems so unnatural.
Not a soul cares for my rock.
They all must wonder why I’m not with them.
To reap the rewards that they enjoy,
hide the bruises they surely must have.
My chaos mind will not help,
But no one else I can tell.
All that are on rock would be appalled
that I am even considering becoming sand.
So I must ask you who do not know
my name, what should I do?
Stay the course or shift my path,
anchor or take flight?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I really enjoyed this poem. As for editing, it is your choice. People have given you their opinion on how this should or could be, but the reality of it is what you want from it. If you think this piece has been given justice, then leave it. I am happy to see that at your age you have constructed a decent piece of work. Keep the words flowing my friend. I hope to see more.
Well since you didn't get that many reviews I'll give one to polish this thing to perfection. I love the poem by the way kinda sets morals like integrity and sticking with what you believe.
You've made the adjustments with spelling and punctuation so I only one paragraph with problems. I'll highlight in red and put comments after.
Okay like I said in one of my more recent reviews with you Nick. You should use chaotic instead of chaos here because of the amout of nouns there. You have a pronoun then a double noun. It just doesn't work.
Next the other line. "But no one else I can tell" doesn't really floow. "But no one else can I tell" will work though. I'm not sure what you'd call that type of sentence but you should consider a reword.
Anyway good luck
Hello, sorry it took so long for me to get to this, I've been busy, but here I am. First off, I really liked this, it is a pretty well written poem, I do have a few suggestions though.
Ok, so here goes:
Blue- what I think could change to make the poem, in my opinion, better.
Red- Things that MUST be changed to be grammerly correct.
Pick/Purple- thinks I really like
Green- Additional comments
I like this, it is a good beginning.
#0000FF ">I think that adding these words would help make more sence and help the flow. Other wise I like this, it says why you are beginning to question your beliefs.
I really like this too, Asking questions, and then going on to explain them frather on in the poem.
This is a good ending line, I really like it.
So, overall, I really liked this, I wish I could anwser the question you ask, but because I don't, I really can't anwser. PM me if you would like me to tell you my view. This is really good though, with a little work, it can be a lot better.
Hope this helps,
~Rain~
Hey, Nicc! As requested, I am here to review your work at last! =)
My comments will be in #FF0080 ">pinkish font.
TAKE FLIGHT! =)) Haha...I was tempted to answer that. LOL Anyway, on with your poem. I had so much fun reading it! I wonder why people are not reviewing this. I have a comment on your rhyming by the way, some stanzas were rhyming, still some were imperfect rhymes, some didn't rhyme at all. I suggest rhyming everything, since your poem was in four-lined stanzas, but you don't have to listen to me. You see, when a person criticizes your poetry, most of the time you don't have to listen. =P Poetry is the free-est kind of literature! That's why I love it so much. Oh, by the way, I do have one question: what do you mean by their rocks becoming sand? When they are presumably on the top of the world? I was just a bit confused with that. Anyhow, I enjoyed reading it! =D/ the pink words above were just nitpicks. Again, I say: TAKE FLIGHT! =P