Published June 10, 2011
Betrayal!
It hits from dark depths.
And wounds, impenetrates with fear and hate.
You trust, give, and get ... Nothing!
You do everything,
Lose everything,
left alone with yourself.
All you've done, loved,
suddenly melts away.
Like a dandelion when you blow,
new enemies grow.
You wait,
you die,
everyone left.
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141,439 Literary Works • 674,448 Reviews
It was a simple read, smooth on the eyes, i could easily relate, but again "blow" is putting the whole stanza, therefore the whole poem, at an awkward place.
again, LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your spelling was great- A+
your grammar- B+
wording-B
over all, i give it a solid B+
Hi there!
I really liked how I can visualize what is happening in your poem! I agree with Faery007, but I still enjoyed this poem. It is an easy poem to relate to for me. Sorry, but I don't really have anything else to say but to keep writing!
- gleek456 <3
Hiya,
The title of your poem looked fascinating and I'm on a review mission..!
The poem itself is very good, reminds of Edgar Allen Poe, which is very good! Not many people brave to use exclamation marks in their work as it can be hard to pull off, however I think you've done very well here.
I'm not sure if I too wild about the word "Blow" here..it ruins the flow of the poem. The imagery is nice.
Sorry, I can't think of much more to say. It's a very good poem though, keep working on this poem though, make sure you read it over and take out anything you don't feel fits.
Don't stop writing!
HAYLEY
xx