Published May 24, 2011
Peace
I sit on soft, moist grass,
surrounded by trees,
sun rays on leaves play like peacocks.
Leaves calmly rustle,
in the middle of a halcyon forest, on a clearing,
where peace sleeps and caresses me.
So far away
from city noise
and the world, that is confused and puzzled.
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141,606 Literary Works • 675,134 Reviews
Hello.
I've got two nitpicks for you:
- I think there should be a 'the' before 'city'.
- I don't think there should be a comma after 'world'. If you intended a pause, try using an ellipsis.
I think this is a really nice poem. ^_^
Anyway, I think 'Peace' is too general for the title though. 'Tranquil' or 'Tranquility' seems to fit more. Something like that.
Never stop writing!
Aw, this is cute. It paints a pretty picture, and reading it is...calming. I like the 2nd stanza best, and personalizing peace was a cool idea. You *could* use more imagery, in certain areas, like in the 1st stanza, instead of saying 'grass' and 'trees' you could use something more exciting. Honestly though, I quite like the simplicity of it. It's short and sweet. Sorry this isn't a very good review! There isn't too much to mention.