Feel like a monster

by neko
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It???s happening again.
I bite my tongue to keep from crying out and tighten my grip on the cool metal of the sink, pressing my forehead against the mirror and squeezing my eyes shut tight.
Shit.
I breathe deeply, forcing myself to stand up straight, looking at my reflection. A wide eyed, pale faced young girl, maybe sixteen or seventeen, stares back at me, hair cropped short and spiky and plastered to her face with sweat. On closer inspection, there is a thin, uneven scar running across the bridge of her nose and down her left cheek, and her eyes, encircled by dark shadows are a rich brown, almost red colour.
I study myself for a few minutes, my face openly showing the dislike at what I see, before shaking my head and turning the tap. Nothing happens.
No water. Fucking public toilets.
I hear loud footsteps behind me and turn quickly. A young woman wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt walks in, stopping when she sees me.
Oh crap.
Her eyes are wide with something like surprise and she looks me up and down, her eyebrows raised. I press myself into the bench behind me, willing her to leave. In this confined space, I can easily hear her heartbeat, thudding along at a normal rhythm in her chest. I can smell, almost taste the blood pulsing through her veins. My body tingles and my vision clouds.
No. Please no.
???Hey you ok? You look kinda-???
It???s like I???m watching myself.
She is abruptly cut off as my hand connects with her jaw, pushing her roughly against the wall and pinning her arms behind her back. I smirk involuntarily, and even though I don???t want this to be me, it is, and I???m loving it. I step forward to lean closer and broken glass crunches under my foot. A cruel, sadistic grin spreads across my face as I lean down, still pinning her there, and pick up a large shard of it.
Stop. NO.
I slowly hold it up so she sees it. She struggles and whimpers, her eyes wide, face pale and her heart, now beating frantically fills my ears, my mind, the desperate sound of fear.
???Shh. Don???t. Don???t speak. Don???t. Make me. Angry.??? The voice is like mine, but sharper, coarser. I run the point of the glass over her throat, hard enough to leave an impression on her skin.

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kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review · Fri Sep 10, 2021 6:09 pm

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It???s happening again. I bite my tongue to keep from crying out and tighten my grip on the cool metal of the sink, pressing my forehead against the mirror and squeezing my eyes shut tight. Shit. I breathe deeply, forcing myself to stand up straight, looking at my reflection. A wide eyed, pale faced young girl, maybe sixteen or seventeen, stares back at me, hair cropped short and spiky and plastered to her face with sweat. On closer inspection, there is a thin, uneven scar running across the bridge of her nose and down her left cheek, and her eyes, encircled by dark shadows are a rich brown, almost red colour. I study myself for a few minutes, my face openly showing the dislike at what I see, before shaking my head and turning the tap. Nothing happens. No water. Fucking public toilets. I hear loud footsteps behind me and turn quickly. A young woman wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt walks in, stopping when she sees me. Oh crap. Her eyes are wide with something like surprise and she looks me up and down, her eyebrows raised. I press myself into the bench behind me, willing her to leave. In this confined space, I can easily hear her heartbeat, thudding along at a normal rhythm in her chest. I can smell, almost taste the blood pulsing through her veins. My body tingles and my vision clouds. No. Please no. ???Hey you ok? You look kinda-??? It???s like I???m watching myself. She is abruptly cut off as my hand connects with her jaw, pushing her roughly against the wall and pinning her arms behind her back. I smirk involuntarily, and even though I don???t want this to be me, it is, and I???m loving it. I step forward to lean closer and broken glass crunches under my foot. A cruel, sadistic grin spreads across my face as I lean down, still pinning her there, and pick up a large shard of it. Stop. NO. I slowly hold it up so she sees it. She struggles and whimpers, her eyes wide, face pale and her heart, now beating frantically fills my ears, my mind, the desperate sound of fear. ???Shh. Don???t. Don???t speak. Don???t. Make me. Angry.??? The voice is like mine, but sharper, coarser. I run the point of the glass over her throat, hard enough to leave an impression on her skin.


Wow that is a properly terrifying scene right there...definitely makes you wonder where things could possibly be headed in there. We start out with this girl looking at herself in the mirror and looking very much worse for wear. You certainly do a good job with the description there and with pointing out how bad of a state she is in at the moment and especially the fact that this is something that she recognizes in herself and clearly does not like about herself.

Then we cut to what appears to be a helpful stranger there coming into try and see if this rather distraught and weathered looking girl is alright and things go south from there. The way you describe things here, it almost sounds like perhaps she is being taken over by another evil personality within her that she doesn't' seem to have any control over. Its a really interesting description as you see her utterly terrifying the helpful stranger.

Overall, this is a really solid piece that you have here and if I'd like to suggest any changes its mostly with regards to the lack of paragraphing here, this is at the moment a very well done lump of text, but it is a lump of text and that's hard to read, so splitting this up into a couple of paragraphs would make this much better. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

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ThatGuitarGuy Comment

this is intense, but awesome :) you should expand on this :D it has a lot of awesomeness in it :D

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AliKat Comment

Wow this is really good! I keep on forgeting how well you can write! :D

Thanks Ali ^^ I wanna change some stuff in this so please keep reveiwing



I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
— SirenCymbaline