Kayarian ng Wikang Flipino:
COMSKI1 FINAL TERM
Rosales, Neil Patrick A.
BSECE-T1B
“Innovations of Technology”
“Technology is everywhere”. I can say that, everywhere I use technology through gadgets like cell phone, computer and television. When my father went worked in Korea our communication is a product of technology because of the cell phone and computer. The distance for easy communication neither is nor too near neither too far since technology was discovered. With the help of technology our life becomes easier because of the electronics devices that were invented today. It is confirmed that, everyone shows attachment to technology. There are many products of technology that we humans use. And these products are seen in the fields of science or medicine, gadgets, business and communication.
In terms of communication, it used letter writing and telephones to have a conversation. “Over the past two decades, technology has transformed communication by making it more and more pervasive.” A statement by Elizabeth Blackwell which described today's communication, text messaging and video chat are the common ways to interact with our family and friends. Communications are important for development in developing our country. Most of the people are using cell phones and any other any equipment use to communicate others. It has a big impact to us because it can use it in our personal businesses. The presence of older communication such as writing a letter does not have the same significance, although it still plays the same role. I do believe that communication is a product of technology because it affects the lives of most people.
Modern technological world requires a lot of activities with the use of gadgets. Phones, gadgets and tablets are being manufactured not only for its applications that are the sources of entertainment but also software that help lessen the hustle that writing, planning, and encoding are giving us. We have a lot of gadgets to choose from. There are those that are big in sizes and there are those that are small. Everyone benefits in the creation and innovation of every materials that we see, hear, and touch. Others are limiting their selves on the way they live their lives because they knew that modernism will help them out. Technology helped in small and even in larger ways through modern gadgets.
Nowadays, business grows fast as technology does. Technology is one of the major factors that must be considered when it comes to business. “The business world has revolutionized almost beyond recognition in the past few decades,” a statement by Jane McGrath that shows the revolution of business through the years. Through it, different kinds of business continue to develop and establish their own names. Businessman used the wide range of technology to introduce and improve their products. By this, costumers will be attracted with the features of their products. Just like the online shopping which is now very famous, it was easier for people to earn money with a single click. As a result, demand for it will be on its highest peak that business owners would be glad of. The world of business would not be alive without technology. Business without technology around it cannot survive to the fast-changing world.
We really have something to be proud of when it comes to human innovation and transformation. The new inventions that the present generation showed the creative world of technology are living proof of excellence. Products of technology were made to reduce human effort. Gadgets for communication, high technology apparatus for medicine and factories for business are great importance for the progress of our economy. Thus, we are living a life full of help from the products of technology.
References:
Blackwell, E. (n.d.). How has technology changed communication? Retrieved from Curiosity discovery: http://curiosity.discovery.com/question/how-has-technology-changed-communication
McGrath, J. (n.d.). How has technology changed the way we conduct business? Retrieved from Money howstuff works: http://money.howstuffworks.com/technology-changed-business.htm
Smith, T. (n.d.). Dirty little smart phones. Retrieved from Global post: http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/business/technology/130326/dirty-smartphones-ted-smith-toxins-gadgets
3
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,776 Literary Works • 672,064 Reviews
Nice essay! Topic is clearly explained. Keep it up!
Your first paragraph is good. The idea of using your own experience as part of the introduction is also good. You can add transitional devices to make your sentences coherent.
"And these products are seen in the fields of science or medicine, gadgets, business and communication." - You may omit the "science" or the "medicine" so your controlling ideas will be parallel.
"In terms of communication, it used letter writing and telephones to have a conversation." - Does the it refer to a person or communication itself?
"We really have something to be proud of when it comes to human innovation and transformation." - You may change it so that it will pertain to the innovation of technology.
You've used and maximized your resources well enough. Overall, it is a very informative essay. Good job, keep up the good work!
Hey there, Neil! I saw you just submitted your technology essay, and I want to welcome you to YWS! I'm a moderator here, so if you have any questions at all about functionality or getting around, feel free to send me a private message or catch me on the chat bar at the bottom of the screen if you see me.
So, on to the essay. After a first general read through, I definitely liked how you brought in your own personal experiences in the first paragraph -- how you talked with your dad when he was working in Korea. It's a really good hook into the essay, and it brings credibility to your position because you have first-hand experience. Generally, school essays are hard to write because we try to write about things we've learned in school but haven't really experienced. Luckily, you have technology all around you and can bring in that kind of expertise! In building an argument (for an essay), that technique is called ethos and can be really persuasive.
Which is why I wish you had brought that kind of thing back into the rest of the paragraphs -- it would have kept a thread going through the essay to make it stronger, and readers would continue building a relationship with you.
One thing that also confused me was that your thesis statement. In the first paragraph it seemed like you would talk about four aspects of technology: medicine, gadgets, business, and communication. In the conclusion, you mention really only three (gadgets, high tech, and factories), which don't even match up. In addition, the paragraphs in your essay follow these topics: communication, gadgets, and business. To build a strong essay, you have to make sure your organization and thesis statements match up. Your thesis helps let your readers know what to expect. It's like introducing what you're going to prove with your writing!
Lastly, one of the things that is toughest about an assigned topic like this is that you were assigned based on a buzz word. "Technology" is actually a really vague word. What does it refer to? Is it gadgets? Is it innovation? Is it the result of these inventions?
For future essays, I'd advise first trying to cut down the topic. Find ONE ASPECT of technology to talk about. For example, if you were to focus just on communication in technology, you could apply this to personal, medicine-based, and business-based uses, while mentioning different gadgets that come to play in each. You'd still cover the same idea as the assignment, but could then avoid trying to cover the ENTIRETY of technology, on the topic of which several BOOKS have been written. Haha.
Hope this review will be helpful to you! Share some of the advice with your classmates if you can! Good luck and keep writing. We'd love to see you come back around even after this project is over.
Feel free to ask if you have any questions!