Emptiness

by nedieh

Published September 2, 2010

Behind closed doors is where I lie.
Behind secret walls is where I hide.
With all my fears on the other side, I cry.
This nothingness will always survive.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
ultraviolet
Review
ultraviolet wrote a review Review · Sep 3, 2010

I like this. It's nice and the words are well chosen. I do feel that so much more depth and meaning could be brought to it if you added even one or two new stanzas. This is good, but lengthening it would make it great.

I only have on nitpick.

With all my fears on the other side, I cry.


This has two more syllables than the rest of the poem, making it seem awkward. I'd shorten this, just a tad. Otherwise, this is a great little poem. :) *likes*

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simplycomplex
Review
simplycomplex wrote a review Review · Sep 2, 2010

In my opinion, the words in this poem are well chosen. The meaning is clear but you could improve on this by maybe expanding it a little more. Just another verse or something would really add a lot to this poem's form and mood because creating another stanza would make a little pattern so the poem would be less loose.
Clever poem, I like it. Good job!

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CreativeFreak
Review
CreativeFreak wrote a review Review · Sep 2, 2010

Hello! Not much to work with here, but I will make do!

Behind closed doors is where I lie.
Behind secret walls is where I hide.
With all my fears on the other side, I cry.
This nothingness will always survive.

Cute little poem, although it's not cute at all. The rhyming is good and clever, the meaning is clear, and end is good.
The ironic thing is that there seems like there's so much in the narrators heart that the last line barely seems fitting, but it does at the same time because there could be nothing important in the narrators life...So, really cool.

Write on and PM me for anything.



Gravity was a mistake.
— Till Nowak