Looka Da Flicka of My Pearls

Guardian

Review

Guardian wrote a review · Sun May 31, 2015 12:23 am

Guardian speaking--

I just want to start off by saying that this is the most abstract piece of writing that I have ever read or reviewed. I'll try my best to decipher this poem and hopefully shine light upon the fact that you were somehow relating this text to our modern, and quite frankly, social times.

So, I'm speculating that this story relates to the song where the line "Look at the flick of the wrist" is used. I won't correct you on grammar or spelling, as this is a lyrical piece of literature. I liked the new spin on "lyrics" I guess. I've never actually reviewed lyrics before, and to be absolutely honest, this was just a tad bit weird to read. I hope you don't take offense to that, as I know that you must have spent precious time in writing this. I know I said that I wouldn't correct you on spelling, but typically in lyrics, words like "da", "flicka", "hunna", etc would not be allowed. In poetry, misspelling words is alright and acceptable, as poetry has no unified set of rules that everyone follows.

All in all, I just want to say, that it's good to have a diverse range of writing, and I'm glad that you are taking the initiative in writing something like this!

Regards,
Guardian

Elinor

Review

Elinor wrote a review · Sun May 31, 2015 12:18 am

Hey there!

I wanted to drop in to give you a quick review. I wanted to echo Strange's comments and say that while I think this could be good, right now it's not the most accessible. I'm not really sure what it's supposed to be about after multiple read throughs and reading it out loud since I wondered if you were going for the spelling things out phonetically thing. Maybe this would make more sense if we knew the beat that was supposed to go along with it, but I'm not sure if you've thought of anything?

Because of the grammar and the choppy flow, it's really hard to say how I feel beyond that, because even in other rap lyrics I've read/listened to I'm usually able to digest a theme and a message. Music has to stick with you, and write now, this doesn't.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but like I said, this has potential. Think about what story you want to tell, and try to tell it in a way that only you can.

Best of luck!

Willard

Review

Willard wrote a review · Sun May 31, 2015 12:00 am

Hey, yo, Naval48! Strange here and I have a review for you on this review day! Pardon if this review is a bit rusty, it's been quite a bit of time since I've written an actual review. Let's dive in!

I honestly don't know the point you're tying to make in this poem. It seems quite obvious you are trying to do this as a "gangsta rapper", but in those raps I understand what's going on. You have an emphasis on the "flicka of your pearls", but even then I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean. Actually, it really has no context to the poem. This poem is all out of context. For example:

I woke u feelin like I was in my room,

What is that supposed to mean? Did you feel she was sleeping in your room so you had to kick her out, or did you sleep with her? This whole poem feels like this. It could be either PG or NC17, depends on how you look at it. None of these lines have meaning.

two hunna tunes

what. Two hundred songs? They sure didn't get boons, but did you sit them down and make them listen to your whole discography? Did you go to Pappa Razzi and The Photogs' Spotify page and listen to that? This poem feels near incomprehensible.

If another reviewer is going to come on and talk about how I had nothing positive to say, keep it to yourself. Throwing another reviewer under the bus is ridiculous. I personally did not like this poem for lack of flow, repetition, and its lyrics. That part lacked majorly. Of course, you can make it better, but that would probably mean you have to find the Garden of Eden.

Good luck, and keep writing!