The Girl with a Lion Mane- Where it Begins

I'd like to caution you right at the "beginning": for better or worse, readers will associate direct address with children's stories. There's a good chance you'll lose said readers if they ever feel that you condescend to them.

You say Tolkien is one of your inspirations. He abandoned direct address after The Hobbit and his other work didn't suffer for it. You also say this will be an illustrated novel, not something associated with "adult" fiction, so is it safe to assume you're writing a children's story?

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Reader, can I call you Art? I find names to be among the most vital components of our identity you see, and would feel less awkward narrating to you if you had a name. I rather like the name Art. But I digress; I am here on this page to tell you a peculiar story which I hope will find you stirring with inspiration by the end. Unfortunately, I have found myself in a pickle. As exercised readers, you know that it would be most appropriate if I were to begin this novel from the beginning. Certainly I would, but this beginning is nowhere to be found, and thus, where shall I begin? To be honest, the beginning we search for is found in a multitude of moments spanning from fourteenth century China to the present and on, in thousands of events intertwined within the same tale. It begins with the birth of a civilization, in the conception of an idea, an ideal formed, in a girl with a lion mane, a black-eyed imp, a turtle, a lover, and a tyrant.

Now you are presented with a troubling decision, my dear Art. You may continue on as I illustrate to you this curious tale, or you may say your good-byes to me and I shall never know the difference. Stay with me, and you will see that this story is as much intertwined with your civilization as it is mine. Stay with me and you will see that we are right in the course of it, that it carries on this very second. While a singular beginning may be impossible to trace, allow me to start from the only place I may, the middle.

Ohhey! I didn't see the prologue.

Now, thanks to YWS, I learned how prologues are quite unnecessary and it's best to plunge the reader into the story. But this prologue is pretty unique and interesting.
It carries the tone I had read in chapter one and I like it very much over here.

You clearly have a great handle over words, voice and keeping the reader hooked. Kudos!

Certainly I would, but this beginning is nowhere to be found, and thus, where shall I begin? I find this sentence a bit breaking the flow. I'd suggest a little alteration of words after reading aloud? To be honest, the beginning we search for is found in a multitude of moments spanning from fourteenth century China to the present and on, in thousands of events intertwined within the same tale. It begins with the birth of a civilization, in the conception of an idea, an ideal formed, in a girl with a lion mane, a black-eyed imp, a turtle, a lover, and a tyrant. Love this!

Hi nature!

Reader, can I call you Art?

Whether intrigue has played a part in your paining through these first words or not, I offer you a choice.

Very interesting, I must say
I like the way you write, and the way you're talking to the reader - it's really rather simple to understand, and yet witty and has some deeper thoughts. Definitely, you know exactly how to hook your readers, which is confirmed by the fact I'm here writing this review though I actually kind of stumbled upon your writing, and if I found a book with this prologue in a library, I'd most definitely take it home with me ^^

Also, I find this concept of naming your reader rather intriguing - I've never seen it done before. I don't know if you did it so the readers would feel connected from the very first sentence, or was it your plan to make readers feel like Art while you're talking to them, but it works for me - I really want to hear the story on, and I don't care if my name wasn't really Art, it shall be so if it means you'll keep talking to me.

All in all, good job, keep on with it
Aria

I'm sorry I don't have a review for you, but just a comment. I know how disappointing it can be, but I still wanted to say only what I think. And I think that this is great. I mean, it's only a prologue, or a prelude or whatever. But, I'm already hooked. Please let me know when you post more. I'll be looking for this in bookstores.

May I inquire as to what was the inspiration?

Let me just say this, I like your style of writing, talking to the reader directly. Of course I know this may just be the prologue of your story.

This certainly intrigues me, and I would like to read more.

Just wondering if "Where It Begins" is the name of the chapter? Because, it seems that it is. If it were to be an actual chapter, than it may be a little weird.

However there are certain bits in this that lack clarity.

To be honest, the beginning we search for is found in a multitude of moments spanning from fourteenth century China to the present and on, in thousands of events intertwined within the same tale. It begins with the birth of a civilization, in the conception of an idea, an ideal formed, in a girl with a lion mane, a black-eyed imp, a turtle, a lover, and a tyrant.

I like this paragraph, it just explains what the whole story may be about yet not exactly letting the reader know what to expect. Good cliffhanger too.