Deleted.

To NixonBlitzen:

Thank you! I appreciate the nitpicking! It helps me improve my writing!

We each were mourned in our own separate ways.

This sentence doesn't make sense gramatically. I think you mean to say either:
"We each mourned in our own seperate ways." or
"We each were mourning in our own seperate ways." ?

I did mean "each mourned" instead of "were mourned" lol.

One was a crimson marigold with fluttering petals; the other, a golden rose.

“Gavin,”

I don't think there should be a semi-colon there, just a comma. And the comma after Gavin should be a period.

I always get messed up on those cases of punctuation lol. Thank you for clearing it up!


Also, I do think a lot of my phrases can be a bit cliche. I need to work on those. But I'm so glad you liked my piece! I'll be sure and edit it

I'm sorry no one has commented on this. Someone should have!

I enjoyed reading this. You have an interesting, old-fashioned style.

The winds were strong today, bustling and roaring like a restless spirit.

I enjoyed this line when I read it. But looking back on it, it is even more delicious, based on the theme of the piece.

I cannot describe the grief my family felt at his death.

I understand this would be a hard feeling to express. And I don't mean to negate your feelings, but I think this line is a little cliche. Is there a way to keep the feeling but make this line more literarily interesting?

We each were mourned in our own separate ways.

This sentence doesn't make sense gramatically. I think you mean to say either:
"We each mourned in our own seperate ways." or
"We each were mourning in our own seperate ways." ?

You said your dad was serene, then said he was a ferven alcoholic who practiced little restraint. I obviously don't know your dad, but this sounds a little contradictory to me. Could you add more detail or explain him differently so the reader understands him better?

Chloe! I knew just where to find you.” Gavin chuckled

Is this period supposed to be a comma? Or is this two different sentences? If it is one sentence, it should be a comma.

The weather never stifled him. He smiled a lively, warm smile at me.

love this line.

He hadn’t indeed forgotten the date, as I anticipated he would.

I think this should be "had anticipated" because you anticipated it in the past, right?

One was a crimson marigold with fluttering petals; the other, a golden rose.


“Gavin,”

I don't think there should be a semi-colon there, just a comma. And the comma after Gavin should be a period.

“Oh yes! I believe they’ve done me tremendous good.”

This seems a little cliche to me, but it actually kind of goes with your whole voice in the piece, so maybe i'm wrong : )

On the grave, I placed these beauties, where they remained unstirred amongst the blistering winds of Kansas.

A beautiful ending. I like the closure it provides to your distress, the way the flowers don't blow in the wind.

Sorry to be so nitpicky about grammar, but grammar is subordinate to the feeling you create in the piece, which was truly lovely. It left me with some questions though: Who is Gavin? : )

well done!