so today is gonna be a rant today I think the world needs acceptance me as a pansexual male I get a lot of hate and other people who are in the lgbtq and then some lgbtq members get brutally killed and murder for being who they want are world need peace and acceptance we should stand for all are gay rights stand with me and spread the love and no hate so this is my rant for today
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey Nateherndon,
I completely agree with you. The world needs to be more open-minded and more accepting of others. Society today has come a long way to get to where we are, but we still have a long way to go until everyone has the freedom to live their lives the way they deserve. I think that individuals should be able to love and be with whoever they want to be, as it is completely up to their free will of choice and no one should dictate anyone's life in anyway.
Hey there nateherndon, and welcome to YWS! Tuck dropping by with a review today.
So I'm going to tackle this like it's an essay or an article and give you some pointers on how you can improve it from that standpoint, since that seems to be the best way to categorize this. It seems like this would be better fit as a wall post, since there's not a whole lot of literary critique I can provide for you if I'm just treating it as a rant, so in the future that's something to consider. You're still more than welcome to post things like these as literary works, but it will change the replies you get and the audience that you reach.
So right off the bat, the first thing I notice about this piece is your overall lack of grammar. You have multiple run-on sentences all put together into one sentence on this piece. Since this is so short I'm just going to go ahead and rewrite it with proper grammar for you, but in the future with longer works most reviewers won't do that.
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Besides grammar, some other ways you could improve this piece is to add some evidence to support your points. For example, if you used a statistic to back up your clam that some LGBTQ+ people are killed, or even an example, then that would make your argument stronger. You could also lengthen this with some more examples, antecdotes, and other forms of proof and then solidify your conclusion by explaining why the world would be a better place if gay rights were universally accepted.
So overall, this is a good start for an essay, but to make it even more effective, adding some evidence and giving a little more weight to your introduction and conclusion would take it a long way, as well as making it grammatically correct. Again, you don't have to do this by any means, but if you're looking to make this a strong essay, then those are some good starting points.
If you have any questions about my review or YWS in general please let me know!
All my best,
Tuck