Young Writers Society

I'm not sure about the missing apostrophes. Here I'm using the number 2. One ARM, Two ARMS. I think that in this case the apostrophe is unnecessary. It wouldn't fit as it would sound as if I'm saying "arm is = arm's" or that I'm implying that the baby belongs to his arms, which in that case would make the arms a possessive noun. Unless I'm missing something, I'm pretty sure that the apostrophe doesn't apply here.

However, I agree with everything else in your review. Sometimes I don't really pay attention to detail and use unnecessary repetition. Bear in mind, though, that this poem was written a long time ago, when I was just a poetry newbie. I'll keep your comments in mind and I will apply them to my work at home. I won't be changing them on this website, because if I did I would also have to make changes on all the other websites (and I'm just too lazy for that ;p).

Anyways, thank you for your lovely comment

Hi Nate.B! First of all, welcome to Young Writers Society! There's a ratio rule here on YWS: for every two posts, you must make one review. I'm sure you've heard of that by now, considering you've already reviewed three times! Anyways, I'll be a reviewer for you today!

Your use of enjambement is indeed great; the way you continue in the next line. However, in some stanzas, the rhythm of the poem tends to 'slide off the roller coaster' (hopefully, you know what I mean, lol) and that's pretty important if you're writing a rhyming poem. For example, in the first stanza you wrote:

He is given the baby to hold
in his strong arms;
he remembers all he’s been told –
how a newborn disarms
a man’s heart; how a man begins to unfold

and untie the strings of fatherhood and
how his eyes are transfixed upon the life he carries –
a life no bigger than his own hands.

He remembers all they’ve shared,
but knows that one thing was left unsaid.
He holds the baby in his arms and he’s scared.
His arms begin to tremble with dread,

so he lays the baby softly
on his chest, where
it can sleep in safety,
close to his heart, not in midair.
The baby breathes calmly;
the man sheds a fatherly tear...

Overall, the only grammatical mistakes I found were the occasional missing apostrophes in words such as arms. It should be arm's! Another problem is that you frequently repeating the baby is in his arms. We know the baby is in his arm's. You stated this in the first line of the first stanza! Anyways, it's great like I said before! I'm looking forward to reviewing the other poems you just posted and the poems you will post in the future!

ThienThienThien,