Wallet

Okay so let me start off with a very creative way to start off!
So the first error that I saw was, "and his love letter were folded neatly in it,"
It might be better as, and his love letter was folded. . .
I really do like the personification In your story, makes me feel as if each object has a personality.
I feel like the person is inherently happy, but when you said, "All the smiles I drew for him," I felt like you lost the happy tone in the beginning, I don't know if that was you intent or not. But, it could make sense, if she wasn't happy in the relationship, and it was work to smile.Or maybe you just were trying to have a figurative tone.
That doesn't take away from the rest of the poem however!
Now my only real question is do they want a completely new love with someone else, or do they want him back?
Anyway besides those simple questions, you did amazingly! keep up the good work! I'll be following you for more. . .I am expecting more.

Hi Nass,

This is an interesting prose poem you have here! I like that you're comparing love to a wallet because I don't think I've ever read that before, and anything new is automatically interesting!

I'm actually really into listing things. I think it works well in poetry and creates a kind of overwhelming tone that builds until you give a sense of brief relief in your longer lines. However, I think you could think about editing some of your lines to cut some of the extra out. In poetry - unlike a lot of prose - because we have fewer words we have to be careful with how we use them, so that they can be worked to their absolute best level. For example:
"Receipts, bus tickets, appointment cards and his love letter were folded neatly in it, more neatly than my clothes in the closet."
This line can be easily edited without changing the intent or the content of the line, and in doing so we have a line that is a bit quicker and has better clarity, a stronger image.
"Receipts, bus tickets, appointment cards and his love letter were folded more neatly than my clothes in the closet."
It's barely a change, but it does a lot to the rhythm of your poem, and in doing so makes it much easier and engaging to move through. A bigger change could be made to a line like this:
"I kept all of our memories in my mind and carried them with me all the time like they were my own limbs and soul so that every time I pick a spoon, it will remind me of you, or every time the sun shines brightly It will remind me of your smiles and every time the rain drops it will remind me of your last goodbye."
- This is a super long line! Which isn't always a problem but in this poem it feels out of place after the first stanza. It also lacks some clarity because it feels a little repetitive and I can't quite capture the image you're after. I'd suggest you edited it to something like this;
"I carried our memories like they were my limbs and soul - every time I pick a spoon, or the sun shines brightly, it will remind me of your smiles. Every time the rain drops it will remind me of your last goodbye."
This is a bigger edit, and what I've done is cut down some of the extra words you had between your big concepts and images. You want these images to have a big punch because they're the basis of the poem. While I was feeling what your narrator was saying before, this adds some clarity to your lines so I feel it even stronger.

I also think that your descriptive language could improve here. Think about including some imagery, metaphors and similes to increase our ability to imagine what your narrator is going through. We can feel it at the moment but a little more would really work well.

Thank you for posting this, I've enjoyed reading it! Please let me know if you edit the work or would like me to comment further.

- PenguinAttack

Hello, Steggy here for a short review! Firstly, I'd like to say welcome to YWS and I hope you enjoy it here. ^^

Personally, I find this style of poem rather lacking in terms of understanding. This is more of a short story also. Or, something along the lines of a short story. While you do use a kind of cliche meaning throughout this piece, I think you do execute it quite nicely. I think the repetition with Love is my wallet fits in with what you place after it. While I say that, I believe the information after that is repeating the previous paragraph but it is a good and bad repeating, kind of.

Receipts, bus tickets, appointment cards and his love letter were folded neatly in it, more neatly than my clothes in the closet.

But they were all faded, inks that used to be pitch black became light blue, preparing themselves to be invisible.

It took me long enough to unfold each of them, giggling by its content one by one.

I kept all of our memories in my mind and carried them with me all the time like they were my own limbs and soul so that every time I pick a spoon, it will remind me of you, or every time the sun shines brightly It will remind me of your smiles and every time the rain drops it will remind me of your last goodbye.