Young Writers Society

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

So the first thing that struck me was the lack of punctuations in the third stanza. As long as I know, there are two types of poems: one properly punctuated and one not punctuated at all. As your poem falls in the traditional format, I think you can add punctuations to the thirs stanza too. However, I don't know if the lack of punctuations was supposed to mean anything specific, like void, perhaps? When I read the word void, it actually made a bit of sense to me. I am not sure though.

I really like the concept of the poem. You did a good job in representing love through the old memories. They say that once you live someone, you can't un-love them. This was something like that. I have no idea about what really happened to the lover. Like did they leave? Did they completely leave? Did they break up or something? I would really love to know a bit more on that.

I loved how the narrator found love in all the old memories and the materialistic things that their lover left behind as a sign of their love. There's a subtle sense of loneliness throughout the poem which I really admired. The rhyming scheme also added greatly to the poem. It sounded great.

I don't have any other critique except this one:

Hearing the sounds, smelling that irresistible scent of yours

As children we are told to be patient, by middle school we're told to get over things, and in high school, we are told that things heal with time. How long are we supposed to wait though? A month? A year? A decade? How long should we wait for things to heal and how long should we wait before deciding that we need to move on. Don't tell children to be patient, I never have been, tell them to do something while they wait. Give them a book to read, a picture to color, or a toy to play with. Teach them to be productive with the time on their hands, not to waste it by withering away in a chair in a waiting room for a doctor's appointment. Teach them not to be afraid of new things, and encourage the questions they have. When you do this, children will learn how to deal with things like heartbreak and rejection. When they are at their lowest, they will not lie on the ground, they'll pick themselves up. Life is so short before we spean eternity in Heaven, so why waste time thinking badly of experiences that we will only experience once?

Hello there

Lehmanf here with a short review. I hope it finds you well.

My first impression is a very strong worded poem. The stanzas are really nice but I'm not sure if they have the flow connecting that you're looking for. But the poem as a whole is really nice.

I was expecting for you to hurt a little less
After so much time has slowly passed

But look at me, no change, still an aching mess
Remember how you said we wouldn't last?

I close my eyes and visit all our hidden places
Hearing the sounds, smelling that irresistible scent of yours

But you moved on and I guess I just have to face it
That you will never again appear at my door

I want to let go but also hang on to every detail
Because without our story my life seems dreadfully cold

And if I erase you there's no reason to wake up
There's nobody out there to fill this boundless void

The person the narrator is describing is someone who lights up their life in a way no one else has,in a way no one ever has.It’s more than hard to let go of that person,your other half.You’d never truly forget them,no matter what happens.You never forget them.Great poem! I hope you have an amazing and awesome day and night.

Hey there! Lost here with a review!
FIRST of all, you did a great job! I Iiked it but I think you could definately make it better.
I didn't quite get the rhyming scheme. The first paragraph rhymed pretty well but the last two paragraphs didn't go with the flow of the first paragraph.
Now coming to the body of the poem

"I was expecting for you to hurt a little less
After so much time has slowly passed"

Oh, that sounds painful. I can understand the expectations of the narrator after maybe being in a relationship for a long time, if I'm not wrong maybe that's what the poem is about.

"But look at me, no change, still an aching mess
Remember how you said we wouldn't last?"

I haven't experienced anything like that yet but as much as I can assume, it's hard to move on.

"I close my eyes and visit all our hidden places
Hearing the sounds, smelling that irresistible scent of yours"

Oh fellow memories... This is the perfect representation of teenage love where your mind is going haywire and you can't decide clearly what to do.

"And if I erase you there's no reason to wake up
There's nobody out there to fill this boundless void"

Beautifully written lines, I seriously loved these lines. You just showed how powerful this mere teenage love can sometimes be where you just lose your reason to wake up by just losing the person.

Overall, neatly done work! I loved it! A solid 7 out of 10.

Keep up with your writing!
Good wishes!

Hello nashville_skyline,
I hope you are having a wonderful day wherever you are.

I close my eyes and visit all our hidden places

Because without our story my life seems dreadfully cold

But look at me, [/u]no change[u], still an aching mess

Hey, there! This is a well-written poem, and I enjoyed reading it. One of the first things I appreciated was the clean, organized structure and consistency with the stanzas. You have the same number of lines in each, and your rhyming pattern is fairly easy to follow.

The second stanza is an excellent example of including sensory details. The mention of eyes/vision, hearing, and smelling bring the experience of the narrator to a new level of reality and relatablity. Sensory details are something that I have repeatedly seen emphasized from people who give advice on effective writing, so it's great that you seem to have a handle on this feature.

I feel like the topic of pain is a pretty common one. We all face it in life, and yet each individual's experience with it is unique. It can be hard to know how to handle. However, writing can be an outlet for it. Your poem is a beautifully written expression of a firsthand encounter with this common struggle.

It looks like your punctuation and grammar are pretty much on. However, I did notice that the final lines of both your second and third stanzas end with no punctuation. In some styles of poetry, this is acceptable, but since this one is already so structured and organized, following the clean lines of traditional poetry rules, I think it is important to include the end punctuation for those final lines. It may have been simply an oversight on your part, but I just thought I'd drop that observation for you.

Your rhythm also seems pretty consistent. I especially love the rhythm of the line:
"But you moved on and I guess I just have to face it."
Not only does it flow really well with the two preceding lines, especially the first line of that stanza, but the rhyme of "face it" is a creative way of matching the sound of "places." I really like this.

Well, that's all for now. Really wonderful poem! Thanks for sharing. Also, if pain is something you're currently dealing with and you need an outlet, feel free to DM me if you ever need to chat.

Once again, great job. Keep it up!