जलें दीप, फूल महकें,
चमन इस तरह सजा दो।
मैं बहार तोड़ लाऊं,
तुम ज़रा मुस्कुरादो।
ऐ हवा के झकोरों,
कहां आग लेकर निकले?
मेरा गांव बस सके तो,
मेरी झोपड़ी जला दो।
जो दिलों को भेद दें,
उन सरहदों को मिटा दो।
कि हर तरफ चहचहाए ज़िंदगी,
फिज़ा इस तरह सजा दो।
अपनी दहकती हुई आग से,
मोहब्बत-ए-शम्मा जला दो।
मेरा गांव बस सके तो मेरी झोपड़ी जला दो
मेरा गांव बस सके तो मेरी झोपड़ी जला दो।।
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey Nanda, really really loved this piece. Especially the lines
"ऐ हवा के झकोरों,
कहां आग लेकर निकले?
मेरा गांव बस सके तो,
मेरी झोपड़ी जला दो।"
Read it like 5 times only to understand the deeper meaning of it. And almost every time I was stunned.
Hi Mahira!
I am here to give a quick review to your Kavita. Your poem has got a very smooth flow and reading through each line makes you wonder on the in-depth meaning of each one. Reading a hindi poetry always gives a pleasure and I'm glad you are posting it here on YWS. I was reading it again and again because of how beautiful it felt.
I like how you are expressing the feeling of unity and peace through these lines.
These urdu words added more impact and beauty to this.
Though I noticed you missed Chandrabindu (अनुनासिक) at few places like कहां गांव . Other than that I have nothing more to add. Thoroughly enjoyed your work.
Great work!
Keep writing
Hello there,
I can't speak this language, so Google Translate will be used. Let's begin.
I got a really butchered poem from Google, i doubt that's what you wanted. Some of the lines are quite good when I take a minute to look into them. Don't worry though, it's not you fault. it's just my poor skills in everything.
Also, poems should be broken into stanzas to make them clear. A block of words is unappetizing for some reviewers. In English, there would be some need of punctuation or something, but this is different, so I don't know.
I hope you understand what I mean with format.
Have a good day,
Haley.
Hi Nanda,
It took me 15 min to read the whole thing.
Actually hindi is my 3rd language,so i am a little slow in reading...
I hope u understand...
Well as hindi is my 3rd lang I couldnt understand certain lines...but yess i can atleast understand that you are a great writer.
I think that you are more strong in hindi than in english.
Well,my mother tongue is bengali but I cannot write so good as you...
"जो दिलों को भेद दें,
उन सरहदों को मिटा दो।"
I loved this line .
As i am not so good in hindi ...i cannot review any more..but i can bet this is a wonderful poem.
Keep writing.
from Sulagna
Than so much @sulagna. Your appreciation means a lot! I am overwhelmed to receive such love for my work%u2763%uFE0F
Pls keep reading and reviewing!