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An Odd Encounter With Dali

by nadeanie2


An Odd Encounter With Dali

Spain in the 1980's:

It is not everyday that one gets to rome the streets of a foreign city and encounter a complete stranger with an annoying habit of rambling on about his personal life to someone who he has never met and, quite frankly, has no interest in what he has to say.

A tall confused middle aged man with a flamboyant mustache positioned himself in front of me. At first, I thought that he had said something to me but I quickly noticed the quiet nervous rambling was directed to himself. We made eye contact, and our gaze stayed locked until he seated himself beside me. . I broke eye contact as I noticed that our eyes had stayed on one another's for more than a few uncomfortable minutes. I created a larger awkward gap between us as I shifted a few spaces to the left, sliding myself, with caution, along the sandy granite bench, feeling stifled and unsettled by his odd piercing stare.

His hands had started to tremble…faster…more vigorously every second…until his rambling became louder, every word more pronounced.. as if his intentions were for me to hear every single word.:

"For God's sake!..why did she have to die…my muse…Gala…!…Greatest…I am…yes..I'm sorry…. Imaginary people… Leave me a..l…o…n…e HELP"

After such a loud powerful outbreak, I glanced over to ensure that he was alright. He had a manic look in his glazed eyes and had drawn unnecessary attention to himself in such a public place. He went on mumbling about hallucinations and how he hadn't slept a wink in months.

My will to make casual conversation with this insane man had disappeared. His eyes lost, searching for something in the far distance. As I jumped to my feet, attempting an escape, the man which appears to be having a mental breakdown grabbed my free arm with urgency and wrenched me down with full force. Back on my original spot, he places his hands on either sides of my terrified face and pulls me in close. His words are a whisper, but I make them out :"Son" he says in a desperate hush "Do you know the difference between me and a mad man?" dumb struck by such a vague, random question, I reply with a slight shake of my head. His eyes start to tear up, his lower lip faintly trembling, but he doesn't cry. "The difference, you imbecile, is that I am not mad".

As he hissed out that sentence in a venomous manner, he released the painful hold he had on my now-finger-stained-inflamed cheeks, looked at me one last time with his bulging blood-shot eyes and stumbled away expressionless.

In loving memory of Salvador Dali. The self-proclaimed genius that was thought of being slightly insane.


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Sun Jan 26, 2014 4:28 pm
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UshertheThird wrote a review...



Hello! This story is very interesting. I like the style you use; the narrator has a strong voice, and the present tense works very well. The descriptions and the dialogue do a great job of capturing the awkwardness of the situation and the emotions of the man.

"Son" he says in a desperate hush "Do you know the difference between me and a mad man?" dumb struck by such a vague, random question, I reply with a slight shake of my head. His eyes start to tear up, his lower lip faintly trembling, but he doesn't cry. "The difference, you imbecile, is that I am not mad".

This part is great. It gives insight into both of their characters, and it makes me feel sympathy and admiration for the man.

The main thing I have to point out is that some of the story is confusing, the way it's worded. If a few parts are rephrased, it might make the story's meaning clearer.
It is not everyday that one gets to rome the streets of a foreign city and encounter a complete stranger with an annoying habit of rambling on about his personal life to someone who he has never met and, quite frankly, has no interest in what he has to say.
As the first sentence, this makes the story hard to get into, because it discusses a few different things, and parts of it are unclear. It might help to clarify a few things. For example: "It is not everyday that, while roaming the streets of a foreign city, one encounters a man who has a habit of rambling about his personal life to complete strangers. And, quite frankly, the strangers have no interest in what the man has to say." That might make it slightly clearer.

I also noticed some small spelling and punctuation errors, and it would make the story easier to read if those are fixed up.

I don't have much to suggest, just a few ways to make the story's meaning more clear. It's is very well-written, and I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!




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Sat Jan 11, 2014 12:16 pm
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ConverseFireGirl wrote a review...



This is a very intriguing piece indeed.
You have made a story, so I congratulate you!
When he grabbed that person's arm i got a bit worried, I admit which was good as you took me into the story.
There's a few little improvements I'd suggest, however, and that's to just break up your sentences a bit more. Your fist one is rather long, so I'd maybe..:
"It is not everyday that one gets to rome the streets of a foreign city.
Encountering a complete stranger with an annoying habit of rambling on about his personal life to someone who he has never met and, quite frankly, has no interest in what he has to say."
Just breaking it up more, you know? The same with your last sentence but maybe add another like, three word sentence after. Like: "I shuddered." Or, "I watched him go." I'm tired, okay. :P
Overall, good work, I like it! :D I look forward to seeing more of your pieces!
-CFG




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Fri Jan 10, 2014 10:32 pm
horrendous wrote a review...



i'm not really sure how this is an homage to Dali, but whatever.

this is so different from what i'm used to reading on this site - it's short and describes a small but very strange event. i think it's novel, but there are problems with it. you've left in some mispellings, and besides that, how am i supposed to care about what's happening to this hapless guy (or girl?) its just some person we know nothing about having an odd experience. there's really no drama to be built up (which i assume is what you were trying to fo by making the man with the flamboyant moustache increasingly vocal and seemingly unstable) because i don't care what happens to the person one way or the other.

as an homage, i guess it's okay, but as a story it'd lacking serious elements.




nadeanie2 says...


thank you




cron
Too often we crave the extraordinary in life, without even learning how to cherish the ordinary first. Friend, I promise you this: if you can learn to take joy in the simple mundane things in life, the extraordinary will take care of itself, it'll be on its way, hurrying towards you. But if you skip the first part, it'll ever evade you.
— Arcticus