This Is It

All in all, A very good poem. I really like the fact that all the stanza's rhymed well (I can't rhyme to save my life), and for the most part made sense. Most people stick rhyming words in haphazardly, but these really kept the flow going. One thing really bothered me, though.

mystymizer wrote:What is love if not this,
from abyss to certain bliss?
Who is sure if it even exists,
left me with a chocolate kiss.

This stanza seems to make sense half way, like the thought got started then didn't get finished. Who left "me" with a chocolate kiss? The third line seems like it's questioning something, but then the fourth line seems like it's finalizing something about the third line.

Over all though, great job. I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future.

mystymizer wrote:And there it was found.

A once strangled hope cried out,
I now know I cannot live without; Without who?
For from your eyes spirits sprout,
What else is there to write about? To be honest, I haven't read the whole poem yet, but I already see that this stanza would be also great if you copy it and paste it on the end of the poem.

Then we found each other at last,
We must forget the bad times passed;
So that happiness will not contrast,
I will do anything for us to surpass. Not rhyming.

What is love if not this,
from abyss to certain bliss?
Who is sure if it even exists,
left me with a chocolate kiss. Here you don't have anything in common between these verses. I suggest you replace the last verse with something else.

What is happiness if not you,
our souls entwined to pursue?
These lives to be born anew,
the old ones left rather askew.

This is true love, don't be scared,
To get through the fights in flared;
With only love left to be shared,
And can or will it n'er be compared.

If this is truly your work, then congratulations. Other than few mistakes, this is great: Those inversions, rhyme, atmosphere, the little things like "n'er" to shorten the verse-awesome!




[spoiler]8/10[/spoiler]

mystymizer wrote:And there it was found.

A once strangled hope cried out,
I now know I cannot live without;
For from your eyes spirits sprout,
What else is there to write about? ( I love how you end this stanza with a question, it then connects with the rest of the poem and provides a lovely intro. )

Chocolate eyes match molten hair,
Captured in a clutch so unfair;
A more than innocent affair,
Nothing there was to prepare.

Heat rose with the sun rays,
Let me say and rephrase;
Your hot touch set me ablaze,
To continue on with our cliches.

Our bodies fit perfectly together,
You took my soul and put on tether;
I knew your heart I did prefer,
Unfinished was what we were. (Last line destroys the rhythm.)

Then we found each other at last,
We must forget the bad times passed;
So that happiness will not contrast,
I will do anything for us to surpass.

What is love if not this,
from abyss to certain bliss? (favorite lines.)
Who is sure if it even exists,
left me with a chocolate kiss.

What is happiness if not you,
our souls entwined to pursue?
These lives to be born anew,
the old ones left rather askew.

This is true love, don't be scared,
To get through the fights in flared;
With only love left to be shared,
And can or will it n'er be compared.

Great ending.

I loved this poem. Words were simple and lovely and sounded so utterly honest. Rhythm falters at times but anyway it is still a great poem. Keep writing. This was beautiful.

--Knightly