Desire For Dinner

This is for beckiw's "Story From a Photo" Contest where you have to create a story inspired by a photograph. I hope you enjoy and please critique...If you review me, I review you...get the drift? ;)

Desire For Dinner

Droplets of sweet tasting sweat drizzled down her naked back, the heat of the day pulsated fervently through her veins. Pale skin all but clashed against the chipper ground blanketed in scattered wood, her flat stomach rose and fell with each breath as it lay upon the damp surface. Smaller insects lived their lives as if all were normal; twigs cracking and leaves crinkling all in the backdrop of the hum of her lungs.

Matted charcoal hair frayed down her slender face that pressed itself hungrily to this earth she knew as her only home. For quite some time now there had been strange noises in the distance she did not want to encounter but thought it all the best, for her security, that it must be dealt with. "Rosalie, shush, you are breathing too loudly!" A figure knelt down beside her of the same skin and hair, their eyes were different. Hers were sharp, cold and blue like the ice that formed every eight months. His eyes sang of dull days and dreary nights, their orbs painted into soft swishes of emerald.

"If we have heard them and they have not us, I cannot see how they could hear my breaths, Migel." Rosalie hissed in response, curling her dirtied nails into the ground to push herself upwards. Once the two of them were sitting cross-legged opposite the other their eyes locked for what seemed eternity and a silent conversation passed between the two of them, their pointed ears alert.

Once again the forest was engulfed in only natural sounds but this time in behind those of their footsteps light upon the dirt. The area had always been bathed in a green light, a strange angle of the sun squirmed its way through the inescapable green ceiling. Rosalie loved this area, the darkness gave her ease and allowed her time for certain thoughts she would never think about the others. Migel, on the over hand, would like to get their mission over and done with as soon as possible so they could return home.

Home.

He thought briefly of his people, fair-skinned beauties littered amongst the trees singing chants of bright memories and hopeful more. Migel did not like to venture away from them ever, but he and his younger sister were the ones chosen to figure out what the noises in the background had been. Miles from their home they now sat contemplating their next movement, perhaps waiting for more sounds to guide their cautious way. "There." Rosalie slipped back onto her front side and began to slither her body towards the south.

"What is it? I hear nothing." Migel complained, standing up and ignoring her ridiculous behavior as he sauntered in the same direction as her. "Rosalie, you are acting as if we were going to be attacked by The Great Cats again..." A clump of dirt interrupted his sentence as she had thrown it at his chest to silence her brother.

"Brother, I see light." Rosalie's sweet voice suckled on her last word. Migel became quiet and wished he too, could see this light. "I hear, voices. They speak in strange tongues, my Brother." She continued her slither in the same direction.

This continued for what seemed ever and then as Migel turned to leave as he felt they were going in circles, Rosalie suddenly rose to her feet. "What is this?" She asked, grabbing his attention. Her icy eyes squinted at an iron gate left wide open against the green of nature.

Migel did not answer her question as he was occupied by staring at the large slabs of wood placed atop one another forming an escalation device. He was bewildered, scared and above all was begging to be back at home. Just as his delicate hand touched his sisters arm to turn about and leave this place, she was running upwards ontop of these slabs. "Rosalie, get back here!" He ordered, but alas she reached the top and her arms dangled by their sides.

"I think it is the forbidden place, Migel." She spoke in a tremble, seizing the little confidence she had left.

Once Migel's eyes landed, watching what his sister was pondering, he made his decision; they were to go no further. "We must return home now, we know what made those big noises. We must tell our people." His voice was stern and unwavered, nothing inside of him itched to understand what the large structure was before them.

Rosalie teetered on the brink of exhaustion but her excitement allowed her to keep focused, she was not yet satisfied. "I want to know what it is! We cannot be for certain it is the forbidden place unless we know!" She tried to convince, taking a few unstable steps forward. Off in the distance voices could be heard in that strange tongue, two men came clambering out of the structure and towards Migel and Rosalie. They stood stunned not knowing what to do but as soon as the men in many layers reached them Migel had picked up a stick from the ground in defense, his hands still tired from the fight with The Great Cats.

"Qui sont vous?" One of the men demanded, the other knelt to come to their level.

"Sont vous bien?!"

Migel and Rosalie stared forward and she found herself becoming dazed by their presence. "Get away from us! We will harm those who threaten!" He finally retorted, raising his stick above his head readying himself for the fight. His sister and himself were strong, they would always get out of these battles if they worked together. Migel feared for his sister who seemed too confused to understand the happenings, her ratty hair blew slightly in the breeze and left her face unphased.

"English?" One of the men questioned, they had both backed up by now. "We are not enemies, what are you doing out here?" They asked in the same language Migel and Rosalie understood, this bothered them greatly and finally snapped Rosalie out of her stupor. She barred her sharpened teeth and bit deeply upon the forearm of one of the men until it bled. He screamed and batted at her head but she was strong and resistant. Once the flesh had been torn she swallowed and the two ran off back down the wooden slabs and into the familiar place.

Their feet smashed with the ground at a deafening rate and their hearts tried heavily to escape their chests, beating furiously beneath their dirty skin. Once they had nearly reached their home they stopped to make sure the men had not been following for these many miles and turned to each other to stop for rest. "We must never tell them what we had found, we must say that The Great Cats were making strange." Migel pointed a finger at his sister, dried blood marooning her chest and chin.

Rosalie nodded in response and breathed in deep the cramped air she loved, crowded once again by leaves. Although her curiousity sprang forth as to what that structure was she understood that it was better left unsatisfied. A sweet, irony taste was left acidic in her mouth from biting the strangers arm. She contemplated the feeling of his flesh on her teeth, the sudden surge of strength and the sticky substance that flowed freely upon her lips.

Upon return to the village she brought the news of The Great Cats and also the news of her big brother being taken as revenge by them. Nobody would know of her satisfied tongue and his bones left broken beneath the forests floor.

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Hello. I will be critiquing this entry for you today! :wink:

Droplets of sweet tasting sweat drizzled down her naked back, the heat of the day pulsated feverently through her veins.


"Feverently" needs to be "fervently". Edit carefully before you post! (Even though I keep forgetting to follow my own advice) :wink:

"What is it? I hear nothing." Migel complained, standing up and ignoring her ridiculous behaviour as he sauntered in the same direction as her.


I would change "as he sauntered in the same direction as her" to something more like; "as he followed the sound of his sisters silent footsteps." Or, something like that.

Migel did not answer her question as he was occupied by staring at the large slabs of wood placed one ontop of the other to create some form of escalation device.


Instead of "large slabs of wood placed one ontop of the other to create some form of escalation device." Lets change that to a little something like this; "large slabs of wood placed atop one another, to create some sort of, escalation device." Try that, or don't, it is your choice! :)

Once Migel's eyes landed on the same thing she pondered at his decision was made, they were not to go further.


It took me a long time to get what you were trying to say in this sentence. This one definitely needs work. Why don't you try changing it to a little something like this;

"Once Migel's eyes landed, watching what his sister was pondering, he made his decision; they were to go no further."
I think that is much better, don't you? It gets your point across without confusing the heck out of me! :wink: If anyone has something better you can change it to, well, then go forth and EDIT! :D

Rosalie teetered on the brink of exhaustion but her excitement allowed her to keep focused, she was not yet satisfied. "I want to know what it is! We cannot be for certain it is the forbidden place unless we know look about!"


Only one thing here; toss the "look about" at the end. It's dragging your sentence down, man! 8)

She barred her sharpened teeth and bit deeply upon the forearm of one of the men until it bleed, he screamed and batted at her head but she was strong and resistant.


Change the "bleed" to "bled". PLEASE :lol: Also, switch the comma to a period. Two sentences are better than one :)


This was an awesome piece and it kept me on the edge of my seat (or bed)! Keep it up, I want more! :wink:



seeing this tag and going "oh what's this? :)" then getting slapped in the face with shady's good grammar is the worst thing that's ever happened to me
— SilverNight