Writing Challenge 2/6: Temple of Innocence

by mystical*dragons

  • Short Story
  • Romantic

Published February 9, 2006

Sorry...taking this off...

Comments & reviews · 3
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Snoink
Review
Snoink wrote a review Review · Feb 11, 2006

Ah, don't we love sex stories? :P

Pretty stuff mostly. I just have one problem with these two lines:

Footsteps whisper on smooth, white marble…silver anklets hinting songs of the ancient.


I think the ellipsis (...) are a little mispaced in that sentence. Go here for more information about that.

Look at you, so pure, your skin so unmarked.


You probably shouldn't use the word "so" twice. I would write it as "Look at you, so pure, your skin unmarked." I don't know... it sounds more poetic to me.

Nice stuff, by the way.

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Elizabeth
Comment
Elizabeth commented Comment · Feb 11, 2006

All of these topics facsinate me... God, I loved it...
Why can people think better than me?
*taps foot impatiently*

This was beautiful... I mean... like... WHOA! Great... I'm crying now... it's not fair! *tries to steal your talent*



Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda