I'm a seascape you painted
Look closely, amid the blues and greens
You'll see a part of your soul, lost in the waves
Yet you've put me aside, lost and forgotten
I'm a flower compressed within the pages of a book
My once silky petals, now dull and papery
Your scent embodied within me
Yet I lie in the heart of this book, lost and forgotten
I'm a seashell you put against your ear
Listening to the waves flowing across the shore
Reminding you of the salty breeze
Yet I sit in the back of a cupboard, lost and forgotten
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
This is a very sweet poem that, while it was fair, did not blow me away. The first stanza is far by the best, and the rest of the stanza's equally match. Perhaps the predictability of it is what brings it down - it is rather a weak ending. But the imagery is beautiful and the references you make to things that seem almost distant and fogotten - that was perfect.
I really liked this piece. It made me think of all of those small things that I do or say that I so easily forget about and how that could affect other things. Okay, that didn't make much sense, but I liked the piece. It made me think.
My favorite was the first one about the ocean, mostly because I love the ocean and everything about it.
I was hoping that you would expand on that, but then you continued on. Now, I'm no great poet, but I thought it was kind of odd that you went from sea to flower to seashell. Wouldn't it be better to continue with the ocean pattern?
I really liked this too! Its one of those quietly pretty poems that arn't very memorable but really flow well.
I love all the images. Especally the last one about the shell being frogotton.
I thought this was interesting, pretty good, but it seemed a little cliche... I'll let my crit speak for itself.
I loved your first line of the seascape, it really intrigued me, dragged me in. The second line was pretty good; it built upon the first line. Third lines was beautiful. The only thing that bugged me were the last three words which are also the title of your poem. These two words 'lost' and 'forgotten' seem really overused to me. I suggest you either use some more colorful words or build upon these 2 words and made a point.
This stanza was interesting, but I wasn't exactly fond of your imagery. It's not that I did like your imagery; it just wasn't my favorite. The word 'papery' I didn't like that much. Dull is good, but how about 'withered' or 'wrinkled' something that creates a clearer picture. I like your third line and your last line except for the lost and forgotten part that I spoke of above.
Okay, this is some good imagery here, but it doesn't make a good conclusion. You're basically just repeating what the first two stanzas have said over again and it doesn't feel like the poem has ended. It kind of just ends; it doesn't really hit you or instill some emotion in you. I suggest using some other kind of conclusion for this poem.
Your imagery was great so good job with that, but please work on the ending. Other than that, good job.
Keep writing