Young Writers Society

Hello! fellow writer here

I want to start off by saying how much emotion this story holds, despite it being short. While reading it I could feel all the pain, distraught and the burning emotions the character was feeling.
The language, the wording, the repetition and the accent of the “three” opens a portal into the characters soul.
You managed to get me hooked, to pull me in, to make me learn what happened just by the very first sentence. As I kept reading, I felt my eyes genuinely water. And as I was reading further, I felt as if I was following the thought process and the emotions of the writer, as well as the character.

"I feel pain, anger, guilt, shame, happiness, freedom. I want to move on and I know I can. What I don’t know, is what is going to be that one song or word or quote that will trigger the memories and I will break down crying. It is such a surreal feeling. "


This specific part hit so close, as you have managed to describe such a relatable, yet horrible feeling. And despite the awful situation, the person knows, deep down, they will be alright, even if it is not all the time, and that is okay. Even though this story is filled with pain, it also has that one glimpse of hope.

I really hope you continue writing because I truly believe you have a gift for it and I would love to read some more of your works.
Take care:)

Hello! This is a random weirdo here to review.

This is a very short, very sad story. The title perfectly fits it, and the ending line is bittersweet.

The fact that this is so short gives the reader limited information, and I think I'd like to know a little more about the character and where they are. However, I do love it the way it is, and I don't really want you to change it.

Instead, maybe you could break the paragraph up into smaller ones, as it's a little hard to follow the way it is.

The way you wrote it makes me think this person's parents abused them (which you did write in your description), but it also seems they want to get some kind of closure. Maybe know why they did what they did. Maybe they want to start over with their parents. Maybe they just want to see them one more time. But the last sentence seems to contradict that, and that's part of why this little story is so powerful.

Nice job on this! I'd love to read more by you some day. Don't forget to take what you like from reviews and leave the rest.

Keep writing!

Foxmaster here!
So, first of all, this was mildly confusing and I wondered who you were writing about. Was it a girlfriend\boyfriend? Family? I feel.like you should make more sense of that here because I am sure that if you elaborated a bit, this would really take this to another level, and make it a whole lot more meaningful. But on a better note, this was well written and the beginning hooked me right away. I liked that.
Now, I feel like you should have split this into a few shorter, smaller paragraphs, because when it's in a whole big lump there, you can often get lost there as you read, and then you will have no idea where you left off. Now at the beginning of this, you make the person at the beginning sound like kind of a jerk for ignoring them and stuff, but of course, they got beat up. At the part where you write about second chances, you leave us with mixed feelings here, which gives an interesting reaction here. I can tell that you are a very accomplished writer if you just fixed these few things I mentioned. That is all. Have a good day/night. If you need anything to review, I suggest some of my work.
Foxmaster

It’s been three days since I told you that you are not my family and are out of my life. Three days since I told you that you can die. Three days since you beat me so bad it hurts to stretch my arms or sleep on my side.

What I don’t know, is what is going to be that one song or word or quote that will trigger the memories and I will break down crying.

This review courtesy of

Hi, Welcome to YWS!
I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

I would say that you can probably put this in the poetry section, because this seems to be a sort of prose poem. But let's get into the review!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Overall, this is poem is very meaningful. It seems to be in the perspective of someone who has gone through heartbreak. There seems to be a lot of emotion in the sentences, which you described really well.

Slightly Burnt Marshamallow - Room for Improvements
One thing that I though you could improve on was that I think it would be easier to read if you split if the paragraph a little. Right now, it seems like it's just a big paragraph written by someone who has gone through many emotions. I think if you split it up line by line, it might give the poem more depth and meaning to it. But this is just a suggestion.
I noticed that you described the narrator's emotions a lot, which is good. I think it might make the poem a little better if you added some metaphors/similies about how the narrator is feeling, or what they are doing physically in reaction to this heartbreak. Again, this is just a suggestion.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Some parts of the piece that I really liked were for one, how you put a lot of emotion into the writing, and how this poem kinda felt like a monologue that someone would say in a TV show or something. Good job on that!

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
This is a strong piece overall. Just those few suggestions that you can take into consideration. Happy writing!

This review courtesy of