This was a work I did for English class. We were suppose to conclude the Story of "A Sound of Thunder" as we wished to do.
If you have not read "A Sound of Thunder" by Ray Bradbury, you will understand nothing of this. So you can check this out first: http://www.lasalle.edu/~didio/courses/hon462/hon462_assets/sound_of_thunder.htm
A Sound of Thunder
Eckels moaned. He dropped to his knees. He scrabbled at the golden butterfly with shaking fingers. "Can't we," he pleaded to the world, to himself, to the officials, to the Machine, "can't we take it back, can't we make it alive again? Can't we start over? Can't we-"
He did not move. Eyes shut, he waited, shivering. He heard Travis breathe loud in the room; he heard Travis shift his rifle, click the safety catch, and raise the weapon.
There was a sound of thunder.
Then, silence. Nothing moved. Nobody breathed. Eckels lay on the ground, unmoving. He seemed as dead as a corpse. Then he started shaking, his chest heaving with each of his uneven breaths. He stood up, leaning against the wall for balance. Thoughts swam around in his head.
He saw Travis, lying down. Everybody seemed to be looking at him. He did not understand. Then he saw a pool of a dark red liquid around his head. Blood. Eckels did not understand. He shook his head. What had happened to Travis? Travis was still; frozen. All the color in his face had left.
Eckels pinched the bridge of his nose, confused. He saw Travis’s gun on the floor next to him. He saw a hole in Travis’s head. And he remembered. “We guarantee no one leaves the Path. He left it,” Travis had said, “They might revoke our license to travel. Who knows what he's done to Time, to History!” Eckels’ arms started shaking, uncontrollably now. He understood then.
Travis had never seemed like a weak person to Eckels. He hadn’t seemed like the kind of person that would take his own life. Yet he had done it. And, Eckels understood, it was all his fault. He remembered something else Travis had said. “That ruins us! We'll forfeit! Thousands of dollars of insurance!” Travis would have been the one to pay for Eckels’ mistake, so he decided to take the easy way out. Death.
Eckels took a deep breath. He clenched his fists. He grit his teeth. He took a moment to gather all his anger, all his regret. Then he looked up around the room. Lesperance, Billings, and Kramer stood there, staring at Travis’s corpse. A few guards were coming now, alerted by the loud gunshot.
This was not a world where Eckels could live. Not with Deutscher being president. Not with Travis’s death at his expense. A wave of determination ran through his body, electricity spreading through his every bone. He subtly leaned down and picked up Travis’s gun. He was going to change it. He was going to change everything.
He waited, for the right moment. He slipped by the guards when they arrived, while they were too busy studying Travis. He waited, and soon his way was clear. He felt himself running, faster than he ever had. But he did not run to the exit. No. He ran to the Machine.
Once he was in, he put on his oxygen mask, wasting precious seconds while he attached the safety strap. He fumbled with the controls of the Machine, not knowing perfectly what to do, but knowing that he had to try something. He pulled a lever. The Machine turned on, its energy humming until it reached its maximum power. Out of the corner of his eye, Eckels saw officials running his way. He brought his hands down unto several other random buttons, and the humming became more intense. The guards approached.
Then they were gone. Everything was gone. All returned to its origin, dead people living again, History making its way back to its beginning, where everything could be changed. Where nothing had yet happened.
It seemed a lot faster now, for Eckels, to journey back in time. First, he had been the selfish rich man that wanted to kill the greatest game in the world’s history. Now, he was a man with a mission. A man with a purpose. He had to save Travis.
Just when Eckels was beginning to wonder how he was supposed to turn off the Machine, it jerked to a stop. The doors opened, and he could see the Path. But something else had changed. He was not alone, as he would have thought. He heard voices, further down the Path, and then started distinguishing silhouettes. Human silhouettes.
He crept closer toward the group, that seemed to count five people. And as he listened in on their conversation, he realized two things. First, that he had arrived to the same place as before, just a while later. Second, in the group of people, there was him. Eckels saw himself, and he remembered that he already had had that conversation.
“...mist. There he is. There's His Royal Majesty now," he heard one of the people say.
"It," whispered Eckels-from-the-past. "It...”
“Sh!” said Travis. Eckels saw the great beast, the god of fear, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. He remembered what had happened, how he had lost control of himself before, and, looking back at the gargantuan dinosaur, it was easy to believe why he had freaked in the first place. This time, however, Eckels decided to keep his head. He forced himself to keep his head. It was difficult to. But with a great effort, he did.
Eckels concentrated. He tried to remember as best he could what would happen. It had all been a blur, but Eckels knew that any moment now he, or rather, the other Eckels would step off the Path.
Eckels suddenly found himself not knowing what to do. He had never expected to meet the group, let alone himself. "Time doesn't permit that sort of mess-a man meeting himself. When such occasions threaten, Time steps aside,” It had been Lesperance who had told him that, but now Eckels wondered if it had just been a lie. Maybe it hadn’t, but he had no time to figure it out.
He stepped up until he reached the other Eckels, who was stepping back, dazed in fear and awe. He was about to step off the Path then, but Eckels-from-the-present grabbed his arm tightly. Past Eckels turned around, and his face paled. He looked like he had just seen a ghost, which, with the paradox of Time Travel, he probably had. It was practically impossible to meet yourself, so why would it be happening?
Both Eckels stood unmoving. Gunshots went off, and the beast roared. A few more shots and it was taken down. The group of hunters lay down or sat, panting heavily. Present Eckels knew he did not have much time, so he spoke to his other self.
“Listen,” he started, “I don’t have much time and neither do you. Or should I say neither do I?” he shook his head, “Anyway. I come from a future that you would not like to be in, so I advise you to do as I say. You are going to walk back to the group and act as if you have not just seen me. When you go back to the Machine, make sure you don’t step off the Path. Finally, once you’re back in the Present, go home. Don’t talk to anyone, and wait for me there. Then we’ll see what we’ll do.” Eckels was about to leave, but then he added something else, “And try to buy me some time, will you?”
With that, Present Eckels strode back to the Machine quickly, put on his mask, and started the Machine. Once time went forward once again he sighed.
Very quickly he was back in the Present, and he came out of the Machine. He saw no guards running at him, so that was a good sign. Then he walked over to the place where Travis had died. It was empty. No one was there. His eyes started filling with tears of relief, but it was not over yet.
He leaned against the wall, hidden by shadows, and waited. A few seconds later, something popped from thin air inside the Machine. It was the hunting party. Travis looked angry, but not as much as he had been before. The other Eckels was there too, looking shaken but fine. Without a word to anyone, Eckels-from-the-past left out the front door.
Then Present Eckels couldn’t hold it anymore. He jogged over to Travis, and seeing his face from up close, Eckels broke out sobbing from relief. He gave an awkward hug to Travis, who was looking confused.
“Didn’t you just leave?” he asked Eckels.
Eckels just smiled, and then replied, “I’m just glad everything’s alright.”
He looked at the sign on the wall. It read:
TIME SAFARI, INC.
SAFARIS TO ANY YEAR IN THE PAST.
YOU NAME THE ANIMAL.
WE TAKE YOU THERE.
YOU SHOOT IT.
Eckels strode to the man in the counter, and asked him the question that would define everything.
“Who won the elections yesterday?” The man in the desk almost laughed.
“We were just talking about it a minute ago,” he replied, “before you left, you know? It was Keith, of course, and thank God for it!”
Eckels felt another wave of relief, and he just stood there for a while. Then he nodded at Travis, and left.
It was raining outside, but Eckels had never appreciated it as he did now. Every drop reminded him of life, real life, not one twisted and crooked by time travel. He looked up at the horizons of the dark sky. Far away, reminding him how something could change so much, so quickly, a lightning flashed.
There was a sound of thunder.
The End.
Hello there AlfonzoFernandez! I, Kyllorac, will be reviewing you today on this very fine Review Day.
With that said, onto the review!
Continuations and conclusions to stories are really tricky things to write well, but you did a pretty good job here. Travis shooting himself, while a bit farfetched, is plausible, and you make it even moreso by mentioning the details like insurance and how unexpected it was.
There were some places where your writing faltered though, such as this one:
It's quite redundant, almost cutesy, and sounds like someone much younger than Bradbury wrote it (which, while true in this case, is not an impression you want to give your readers). One of the most difficult things about writing continuations is that you need to match the writing style of the original writer, even when that style is nothing like your own. You did a pretty decent job overall, but it wouldn't hurt to take a closer look at your writing and ask yourself "would someone as old and experienced as Bradbury really write it like that, or would he come up with a different way of describing it?"
Another critical section where your writing falters is at the very end:
There is no such thing as "a lightning", and the title drop felt painfully obvious and unnecessary. Then there's the "The End." which just screams young writer. If you get rid of the "The End." it would go a long way in making your writing feel more polished and professional. If you think about it, Bradbury's story didn't have a "The End." attached, and most of the stories you read in class don't, so why is there a "The End." here? It doesn't make much sense to have one, unless you're telling a fairytale or bedtime story.
Little things like these go a long way in making your writing appear more mature or not, even though it might not seem like it at first. The best way to learn how to sound more mature in your writing is to read a lot, not just your favorite authors, and see if you can mimic the writing styles of the people you read. You'll learn a lot about writing, as well as what works and doesn't without having to figure things out from scratch.
Thank you!
Really awesome story! And I like that you placed Eckels thoughts in italics, it's always a good way rather than normal text which confuses the reader.
It's kind of hard for the reader to read everything without our eyes getting hurt. 
I like the way you play with the words, such as "Time doesn't permit that sort of mess-a man meeting himself. When such occasions threaten, Time steps aside" it's not literal of course, and with Time used as a noun, it makes me believe that time itself is a being, who has control over itself.
"All returned to its origin, dead people living again, History making its way back to its beginning, where everything could be changed."
This could use a little bit of change, such as "dead people were revived" and "History rewriting itself", after all he had just changed history, didn't he?
Oh yes and also please space out your paragraphs
Thank you Lycando!
Hello again, AlfonsoFernandez. I just want to let you know that I've read the piece (it's great) and I'm going to review it later - I don't have time at the moment.
Thanks a lot Dark!