Darkness swirled around me like a funnel cloud. On the inside, my body felt like it was on fire, burning with the heat of a thousand suns, but my skin felt as cold as ice. Breathing seemed to be as easy as swimming in hot, boiling lava. Each breath was short and painful, but I took them one at a time, slowly.
Where am I? I couldn't see anything but the darkness. Then suddenly, a storm seemed to appear above me, as if I were laying down, my back to the ground. Lighting flashed above, thunder roared in the sky, and rain began to fall, as if God himself were burdened with a great sadness.
"Amaya," whispered a small voice. I looked around, trying to find some source of life, trying to find this "Amaya" person, but when I stood, all I saw for miles was a field of wheat. Not tall wheat, it was as if someone had just plowed the field.
But the worst of it?
I was completely alone.
"Wake up, Amaya." That voice spoke once more, and I realized it was speaking to me. Although I found no logic in that, because I was already awake, and that wasn't my name.
I think.
As I began to attempt to figure out what was going on, I heard a faint howling sound in the distance. It sounded like an ordinary dog, but when I looked in the direction I heard the sound, a Rottweiler the size of a semi came bounding towards me. I tried to flee, but my legs were lead, and the next thing I knew, the dog was on top of me, and my vision went black once more.
----
"Daddy? When you comin' home this time?"
"When I get home, sweetie, now go back to sleep. I love you."
"I love you, too, daddy."
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...this was quite an intriguing prologue here, it definitely managed to get my attention very well this one...it manages to tick off quite a few of the boxes you expect from a prologue and definitely makes you want to find out more here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oh wow, well that is quite an epic description to start with, darkness, lots of intense heat and yet also somehow a lot of ice imagery as well...this is a description that definitely hits you right in the feels in addition to the visuals, and it makes for a pretty neat and pretty powerful start to this story here.
Well, that's interesting, one second it looks like everything is in some chaotic and hellish place and now we have a regular ol' storm there with rain...and it appears a bit calm. Also the comparison there to God being sad is quite interesting to note too...I wonder what that is hinting at.
Okay...that's not a good sign...who could this Amaya be...especially if there doesn't appear to be anyone near them...and then of course there's just the random plowed wheat field they end up in, this almost seems like some kind of dream sequence or perhaps something more intense like an afterlife sequence here...it definitely is quite an intriguing one here.
That'll definitely get ya questioning a few things about your surroundings...
Oooh..I have a feeling this is going to lead to an interesting realization somewhere down the line, especially considering the title of this piece here....very intriguing indeed to see how Amaya doesn't remember her own name here.
Oh my gosh...well, talk about a cliffhanger in a prologue, well, that was definitely a very powerful one right there...just straight up massive dog of doom that kind of seems to represent perhaps Cerebrus from Hades....just coming to pounce on this person here.
OKay...so the actual ending of this prologue is a very sweet and quite innocent looking interaction between a father and a child...that also happens to be a goodbye which raised alarm bells in and in of itself...but coupled with the earlier ending to that scene, well, this is one of the more mysterious prologues I've read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty solid prologue on this one here, this does seem like the type of story that I would read right here. At any rate, that's about all I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I am left with questions! Which, is a good thing! I love it when the prologue leaves you wanting more, it makes you want to keep reading to find out the answers to those questions whirling around in your head. I feel that this prologue does exactly that. I didn't spot any grammar mishaps, or spelling errors. Everything flowed remarkably well, too. The only thing I could think of is maybe adding "truck' after "semi"? It sounds good now, I just think maybe it would sound better as "semi truck". Anyways! I look forward to reading more!
Hi, wa1496. This is Pinkie here for a review.
I agreed with the other reviewers. This chapter is very suspense. It got me questioning about what girl is they talking about. (You know, cliffhangers always got me questioning and you got me that.) I love the descriptions for this story. It got me into the story and imagined the whole thing is happening in the story. Also, I don't see any grammar errors on here. Yay! I enjoyed this prologue a lot. I love to read the next chapter of this story. Hope to read more from you. Well, have a nice day!
Awesome job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
P.S: Welcome to YWS!
I promise there will be more to come, but before I post them I will reread my work to triple check any and all errors. I will also make sure that it all makes sense to the reader before posting. Thank you for the compliments!
Very nice prologue! It definitely leaves the reader with a sense of mystery, and want to read more.
So here are just a few things I saw.
As I began to attempt to figure out what was going on, I heard a faint howling sound in the distance. It sounded like an ordinary dog, but when I looked in the direction I heard the sound, a Rottweiler the size of a *semi came bounding towards me. I tried to flee, but my legs were lead, and the next thing I knew, the dog was on top of me, and my vision went black once more.
*I think here you should complete it with semi truck, so that it would make more sense. I had to read it twice to fully understand.
The only other thing I noticed, was that it seemed a few of your sentences were run on's. Not horrible ones, but there was definitely a few that could be broken up into two sentences.
Such as -
Lighting flashed above, thunder roared in the sky, and rain began to fall, as if God himself were burdened with a great sadness.
I tried to flee, but my legs were lead, and the next thing I knew, the dog was on top of me, and my vision went black once more.
Those two are easy fixes, just find some way to break them into two sentences.
Overall, it was really good!
Hope I helped!
Thank you for pointing that out! When I wrote this, I did so in the matter of 10 minutes. I made the mistake of not paying attention to my work. I appreciate you telling me and I promise to fix it in the near future!
Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.
I love this prologue.
The details and imagery were on point.
The ending leaves mystery, total cliffhanger, but I think that's just me wanting to read more.
- What is her name?
- Is her real name actually Amaya?
- Is the main character a resemblance to this Amaya person?
You don't have to answer these now. If you know the answer to these, then you are A-Okay c:
I believe you should continue this.
This has a really good story plot so far.
Also, I don't see any grammar or content errors as far as I know of.
Keep up the great work.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
I promise all your questions will be answered (or at least some) in the next chapter. Thank you for taking time to read through it!