Music fills my head
Words spinning around
filled with relatable stories
and the emotions flow carelessly
into me.
Emotions and feelings I don't understand
barely detect by my self
situations and people
that just make a mess
out of me.
Because who understands people?
who understands love?
who can understand friendship and bullies?
sincerely I think "socializing" is simple
but once you get sucked into it
all waters shake
none calm
none clear.
Please, if you meet somebody
someone who understands it at all
show me and make me understand too.
Though I wont wait.
And if you meet that person,
also say for me,
that if it all can be understood that well,
then that person doesn't understand it all.
Because it is all the best mess I have gotten to love,
even if it makes me cry,
I know it also makes me smile,
and that is it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello! Welcome to YWS!
I think this was a very truthful poem that we can all relate to.
There are a few typos here:
That should probably be "barely detected by myself," but I think it would sound better as "I can barely detect" or something.
That should be *won't
I like the part about the waters shaking. I wish that idea could have been woven throughout the whole piece, but you don't have to do that.
I also like the ending, how it ends on a positive note, but I'm not too keen on the last line. It seems like a weak way to end a poem strong with ideas.
Also, consider putting this into stanzas. It might make it easier to read.
I have little to say about the content of this. I've no critiques because they're your beliefs. I did enjoy reading them though.
The last advice I'm going to give is to read this out loud to see if anything sounds a little bit awkward.
Great job, Keep writing!
~fortis
Hey, musiklover. I'll split my review into multiple peices like verses.
During the first part of your poem, I think that if your poem is about how people come into your life, talking about music is a little bit off of what your actually trying to write about. I can understand setting the basis for the poem but it makes it seem like more of a story then a poem. I do, however, like the line "emotions flow carelessly into me" because often times when you do have feelings for people, they come into you so carelessly and don't care how they leave you.
I don't have much time because something came up so I can't split it up so I'll go ahead and summarize the rest of it. I liked the poem overall but I think that with a little re-arranging of words it could be a lot better. To me, it feels like it should just be a short story rather then a poem by the way it's written. The line that you write "Though I won't wait." is a little bit confusing and I feel it could have a little bit more context to it. The end of the poem makes the whole thing end abruptly and I think it could be 10x better if it was ended a little bit better.
So sorry I wasn't able to split it up and if you'd like me to, send me a message and I will get to it when I have a little more time. Over all though it was a very relatable poem and I enjoyed reading it.
Hey, musiklover14! I am wisegirl22 congratulating your subscription to the wonderful Young Writers Society! If you need help getting familiar with this site, please let me know, and I will be glad to help!
I think this was a beautifully written poem. I like how you separated the lines, and I think the way the words flowed into one big fresh stream was amazing. I do have a few nitpicks, though, and here they are. In the first paragraph, you start out very well with your phrase, but what happens when you capitalize the next sentence and switch back to perfectly capitalized in the third? I'm a little confused, as may others who read this. Next, I have a little thing about the repetition of "emotions". I'm not too big of a fan on repetition, so I think you don't really need the extra "emotion". Third, the last line seems broken up too much. So why don't you connect those words "my" and "self" and let's all skip on rainbows.
"Music fills my head
Words spinning around
filled with relatable stories
and the emotions flow carelessly
into me.
Emotions and feelings I don't understand
barely detect by my self..."
I have another problem. Why do you capitalize every sentence, even after punctuation? I guess I was a little mistaken. And why do you correct it here?
"Though I wont wait.
And if you meet that person,
also say for me,
that if it all can be understood that well,
then that person doesn't understand it all."
Overall, it was amazing and awesome, and I think that you will have a very successful career as a poet. So keep writing!
-wisegirl22