z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Burning Love-Prologue

by musiclover11


Prologue

I am running through a field, wet morning grass sticks to my bare feet. The sun is peaking up from the ground, stretching its light across the plains and casting shadows all over. The fresh crisp scent of morning flowers hits my nose. I inhale the sweet aroma and feel at peace, but the feeling doesn’t last long. Someone is chasing me, my heart beats heavily in my chest and my breathing comes in ragged gasps. I look over my shoulder and run faster, i can not see who is chasing me but i can feel my own fear. It is strong, engulfing my whole body, not allowing me to stop or slow down.

Finally, i find myself stopped in front of a wall of thick weeds that tower over my head. They seem to go up forever, toward the sky. I can not see what is on the other side, the weeds are too thick and high, yet something on the other side beckons to me from somewhere deep in my mind. I can feel it calling to me, a voice, small and fragile but yet portrayed strongly, as if needing me to listen. I can hear it getting stronger and louder, and feeling the increasing danger of my pursuers, I push through. The weeds get thicker as i plow through farther and farther. I feel them around me pushing me back but i don’t give in. Eventually they start to thin out and I can see a light on the other side.

Finally, I break through the weeds and end up in a small, peaceful clearing. Trees surround the clearing, and at the far end is a small pond. Above the water is a waterfall that looks like it could be falling straight from the heavens. I walk over and lean over the water, an image of myself looks back at me. I am slightly taken aback slightly but cant help but look closer at the image. It almost looks natural, with my brown hair falling down my back and clipped back from my face. In the sun the highlights in my hair look like flecks of gold. Deep, blue eyes the color of the ocean after a storm. The white gown i wear, falls against me like a cloud. But the image can’t be me. It looks too ethereal, almost magical. From the sharp look in my eyes burning through my mind, to the how i stand, tall and proud. I look strong, powerful, and somehow brave in a way.

Suddenly, the image changes. I gasp as a new image appears, I nearly scream at the image in front of me. It is still me, But i have changed. My hair is matted with dirt, and i look thin and pale. My eyes no longer look sparked with curiosity and intrigue, instead they are wide with fear and something else i can not quite identify.They are a wet and glisten with unshed tears. My arms and legs are filled with scratches and bruises. The white dress is now torn and stained with blood. My posture is slumped, I no longer hold myself with strength and pride. There is a gash at my side, Three gashes almost like claw marks from a vicious animal. My knees have huge gouges in them that are streaming blood. There is a burn mark on the side of my head, around my wrists and up my arms.

She looks sad, lost, and looking closely i realize what the other feeling was in her eyes. It was hazy at first but now it comes out clear. It is a feeling i could have missed easily, a feeling i never wanted to see in my own eyes.

Hopelessness.

I am shocked, I step away from the water. I can hear a faint feeble voice coming from the water. The voice sounds desperate and, to my amazement, as i step farther and farther away the voice gets louder. In my head, It pleads with me begging me to listen.

Getting farther away my heart starts to slow to normal. Suddenly I knock into something hard and freeze. A cold hand clamps down on my shoulder, gripping it and pulling me back. Before blackness overtakes me, I hear that voice, strong, it haunts me until finally it all goes back. And all i can hear is that voice calling out to me.

“Alandra, Alandra”

“Alandra” My mother is standing over me shaking me frantically. My eyes blink open and I sit up slowly, my limbs are sore and my head is spinning. My vision is hazy, at first, but slowly it comes into focus. I glance around the room quickly, realizing i am in my room. I look up at my mother, she is crying as she pulls me to her chest in a tight embrace. I don’t understand what is happening but i hug her back. I Hold her tightly closing my eyes and letting the warmth of her arms calm my nerves.

Her small frame is easy to hold. Her hair is plastered to her face from her tears and her eyes glisten in the small light filtering in from the window. Something is wrong, beyond the tense smile, and fake happiness there is something else, fear falls in silent tears and quiet sobs.

“Mother, whats going on?” I ask not at all sure i really want to know the answer but asking anyway. I try to keep my voice from shaking but it cracks and i can tell she noticed. She slowly removes her arms and the lack of warmth hits me harder than i expected. I involuntary chill runs through me.

She lets out a breathy sigh and her eyes turn sad. She opens her mouth to say something but quickly closes it and slowly reaches up. She takes her necklace from around her neck and clasps it behind mine letting it fall against my chest. Warmth floods through me as the necklace starts to glow. I suddenly feel stronger and the fear dies in my chest and for a moment I am safe.

But the moment is gone as soon as it had come. The warmth is still there in my chest but the fear is there too. My mother smiles at me and this time it isn’t forced. The smile reaches to her eyes and i see hope instead of fear.

“I love you so much baby, but you cant stay here. All of you are in danger here you need to go somewhere safe.” With that she presses a small, tender kiss to my head. She runs her hand down my face slowly just looking at me, and i can tell it will be a long time before she sees me again, so i don’t push the situation. Without another word she turns and rushes from the room.

I am terrified, my heart is practically beating out of my chest. My mothers words run through my mind as i slide out of bed. I lift myself a little unsteady on my feet. As the strength returns to my legs, I walk across the room and slowly open the door. I peak out into the hall and see people running around frantically carrying out orders.

I slide the door close slowly as my heart starts to beat normally. I reach into my closet and pull out a long simple gown with a leather belt around the middle. I slide on my cape and tie the ribbons with shaky hands.

Suddenly i hear a loud sound and the room starts to shake slightly. he shaking is gone just as quickly as it had come and without a second thought i rush to the door and walk down the hall to get my sisters. Somehow I know that whatever is happening is oly going to get worse and far more dangerous, the longer we stay the more likely it is we wont survive.

Standing in the foyer I wait. I have been waiting for a while now holding a screaming Angela and a crying Amanda. I watch Amanda cling to my leg as i try to get Angela to calm down but its useless. Angela knows theres something wrong and she can sense the anxiety from Amanda.

“Mandy please don’t cry” I stroke Amanda’s head hoping to soothe her with my words. As I look down at her tear stained face, I watch the tears stop and see her eyes brighten slightly. I know then that i have to be strong, for them, I cant let them down.

Finally, I see my mother rushing toward where we stand. She has a book in one hand, as she comes closer I can see bright green markings on the cover. I don’t understand them but as she pushes the book into my hand they start to glow. I gasp, but the glow is gone almost as quickly as it had come. I look up at my mother, She is staring into the distance, But she quickly snaps back to reality and gives me a small, sad smile. She leans down and kisses my forehead gently.

“Im so sorry, Please keep your sisters safe. I know you have a lot of questions but they will be answered in time.” She ends by giving us all a kiss on the cheek and with urgency she pushes us toward the door.

I may not know whats happening or why its happening, but now i know what i must do. So with determination, I set off with my sisters on what might be the greatest adventure i have ever encountered. With my mothers necklace giving me strength and the strange book that somehow contains my destiny.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
16 Reviews


Points: 630
Reviews: 16

Donate
Wed Apr 10, 2013 5:14 am
MariaRowlands1 wrote a review...



That is amazing! I don't care about the grammar or spelling issues in it, all I care about is if the story is good or not. This storyline is amazing and has quite a lot of detail. It's interesting and really imaginative. It has plenty of mystery and thus makes the plot better. All in all, it's a really cool story and I'd love to read more.




User avatar
80 Reviews


Points: 6066
Reviews: 80

Donate
Sun Mar 31, 2013 6:48 pm
100xstupid wrote a review...



Hi there, I'm just gonna go through and nitpick a few little things before I get into the meat of the review.

"I am running, running through a field of grass."

I think a semicolon instead of a comma here might fit a little better.

"I glance over my shoulder and run faster look terrified."

This sentence doesn't make sense, perhaps you meant looking terrified?

"My arms and legs are scratched and dripping blood. My feet were bare"

You need to be careful when writing in the present tense that you don't accidentally drift into past tense.

"“keep this close and I will never truly be far away hold it next to your heart and never let it go. I believe in you now I need…”"

I think the 'k' in keep should be capitalised. Also, this bit could do with a switch in punctuation. Just try reading it aloud and making sure it sounds like natural speech when you're writing dialogue.

"A little wile after my mom leaves I sigh and throw the covers off."

*while

"What I do know is that I will protect my sisters no matter what. No danger will ever come to them I will make sure of that. I walk to the doorway and see Sonya my maid. "

This isn't so much a mistake, as it makes sense, but I think for this section in general you could do with some variation in sentencing. It's all short sentences, with a few rhetorical questions in the mix, but it would flow better if you joined up a few of your sentences here.

There were a few more instances where sentencing felt a little strange, so maybe just go through once and read everything aloud, just to make sure it reads how you're imagining it. Besides that, the substance is good and you create tension in your atmosphere well. Your writing style is very descriptive, and you play on that as well you should. We don't get a whole lot of plot at this point; I'm sure that comes later though.

Overall, good work but it does need a little tuning up and proof reading. With a little work, though, this could be made really good.

Keep writing :)




User avatar
378 Reviews


Points: 3775
Reviews: 378

Donate
Sun Mar 31, 2013 6:31 pm
Omni wrote a review...



Oooh, another prologue to review. So here I am, reviewing it.

My name is Quest, and I will be reviewing you work today for Review Day and to get your piece out of the deep and grueling depths of the Green Room.

faster look terrified.


Hmm, I think it should be 'looking' instead of 'look'

My feet were bare,


was the gauge in the side of my head that oozed and gushed blood.


These two are packed with past tense, while the rest of your story so far was present. I happens a lot, when an author switches from past to present, or vice versa. I suggest you go through and change it when you see it.

far away hold it next to your heart and never let it go.


There should be a period after 'away' and make sure to capitalize the 'hold'

And the mysterious book that holds my destiny and the fate of the entire world.


Well, this ending was not expected at all. Frankly, it doesn't make sense, and I tried making sense of it. There were no context clues that came up to it at all. I recommend that you fix that. Elaborate a bit, change the wording, something that will make it easier to understand.

I hope this helped,
Quest




User avatar


Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Donate
Sat Mar 09, 2013 8:48 pm



Wow! This is super descriptive!! I love it alot! <3




musiclover11 says...


thanks im so glad you like it XD



User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 8

Donate
Sat Mar 09, 2013 2:41 am
ABM53190 wrote a review...



Great work I love reading these types if stories. Interested to see how long some of these continuing stories and blogs or whatever they tend to be last. It's almost difficult to wait. I see them often on here thanks for a good read. Looking forward to another. Best of luck to you.




musiclover11 says...


thank you XD glad you liked it




Chickens are honestly little dinosaurs. And they know it.
— ChieRynn