Hey there mundane14. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
I saw this sitting in the depths of the Green Room and now here I am. I was hesitant at first to read because I have been riding for so long. I have seen many attempts at writing about the different styles, that let's say, didn't live up to my expectations. I have used my experiences as a rider for many projects in the past and for 4-H. Most of my career has been in Western but I do ride English once in awhile and I am waiting to see what spin you take on things. Enough with my chit chat because this is where the real critique begins.
The first time I interacted with a horse, I was only three years old. From there, I went on to ride for eleven years, learning valuable life lessons in that time.
1. This is your opening sentence, that first shot you get to grab a reader's attention. I would say first shot out of the gate, but I think that's in poor taste considering the subject. There was nothing gripping about this statement that really made me want to read on. It was very casual and just stated your opinion in relation to a fact. You need to create excitement that draws the reader in and then you can just stick to the facts.
2. I remember writing something like, "When I first felt the rhythmic pattern of the horse's hooves hitting the sand and the wind blowing through my hair, I knew that in the saddle was the place for me." Now in reality I was five years old and such thoughts probably weren't crossing my mind. But I was on sand and there was some wind. It doesn't matter that this wasn't what I was thinking at the time, it's how I remember that first magical moment. You need to capture the magic of that ride and convey that emotion to the audience.
There are two main types of riding styles. In Western riding, there are many different branches of riding such as pleasure riding, barrel racing, calf roping, and many more. In English riding, there is dressage, jumping, hunter, and others.
1. In the first sentence it would help you to include Western and English. It avoids confusion when the readers move down to the next line. Why? Well you are stating there are two main styles then you jump straight to Western. Now most people do know about Western and English, but technically you should introduce both types fully before proceeding.
During my first official lesson, I rode a Paint horse in a large Western saddle. I held onto the protruding saddle horn for balance during lessons. I quickly improved over the next few months. My instructor saw my progress and let me go on a trail ride and I galloped uphill.
1. Large western saddle is not that accurate if you were three or four years old, especially considering if you were riding a Paint. All I ever rode were Quarter Horses and a retired race horse. QHs have large rear ends and I did ride in a saddle size that would probably be above my age but I didn't have a custom at the time.
2. Now it depends on the Western style that you were taking but many instructors actually tell you to grip the back of the saddle. Holding on to the horn is not as safe and that's why some people don't use that technique anymore.
3. Again for a three or four year old, an instructor would not have allowed a gallop, most likely at least. Maybe a canter or do they do it different at the school you took? See I never went to a camp or an official school. Both of the places I rode, it was for a family that used to give lessons or had a 4H club. I never did much official stuff and in the more recent years I basically exercised horses at these stables to get my lessons.
Because English riding and Western riding are very different from each other, I had great difficulty adjusting to the new riding style.
1. I don't think that was the right use of because. Maybe I'm wrong.
2. Just one more personal comment and I swear I'll stop. This probably didn't happen to you because you were only nine or so, but when I first started English I injured my back. It was because of the different posture requirements. For eight years I had two different Western styles driven into my head. I also got extremely offended at what the English instructors thought of my Western background. That experience is probably why I don't ride English very often.
I really did like your whole paragraph about cantering because I remember when I had to learn it in the space of a couple of weeks. Do you know about the Miss Cowgirl competitions? Probably not but anyways when they were doing their tour, I got to be one of the riders in the circle. And I hadn't reached cantering yet so I learned in the space of a couple of weeks. You should probably glad that all that happened was that your saddle slipped from the sweat. My entire bridle broke once when I was rounding the third barrel. Not fun when you're going full speed and you realize you just lost control.
Your essay overall was pretty good and I hope I didn't bore you with my life experiences. It's just so much easier to write reviews when you can connect to the author in some way. I would recommend that you go into more detail about those life lessons. You barely touched on the subject and it's a little plain.
Well that's about all I have for this review. Sorry if I couldn't offer any more words of advice/comments depending on how you take them.
Have a nice day.
Lizzy
Queen of the Book Clubs
Points: 650
Reviews: 766
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