My write-up is actually an open letter. An open letter to a person who has robbed the people of a beautiful state located in the lap of the majestic Himalayas of their basic right to live. The letter is to the Chief Minister of the Indian-administered Kashmir .
You Ms CM, were all happy and overjoyed when you took over
the Chief Minister’s office on 4th of April, 2016 and the whole valley was
abuzz- not of excitement but because it was first time in the history of Jammu
and Kashmir that a woman was sworn in as the CM. There were some hopes, not
huge but very little because the people in the valley over the 70 years of
conflict have seen nothing but only disappointment and a travesty of justice
and have been back-stabbed every time. Your daughter had said the next day and
I clearly remember that statement, "My mother is very emancipated. She has
always given us a lot of freedom. And she will give freedom to people. My mom
is not the sort of person who is planning to tie people down in any way''. She
also added that, "She is going to be role model especially in J&K. My
mom has always been a grass root politician and has built the party. She is a
people's person,". If I take a look back at this statement of her daughter
today, I can do nothing but laugh, laugh and laugh. Her daughter said that my
mother will give people the freedom they want, I do not know what kind of
freedom is she talking about because her mother, you Ms CM have curbed every
possible way a person can express himself, every possible way a person can communicate
and every possible way a person can call himself free. Your daughter thinks of
you as a person who can never tie down people? Then what on Earth forced you to
put a population of millions under curfew for 50 consecutive days? What pushed
your emancipation to such a low level that under your rule, more than 70 people
have been killed, 8000 have been injured and the most drastic of all this- 500
people have lost their vision. Ms CM, if your were ever so vigorous and a role
model like figure- why did you not give the same opportunity that you provided
your daughters with, to talk all so good of you, your virtues, your qualities
to the youth of Kashmir whom you repeatedly call your prized assets. Why did
you not give the same level of freedom, you provided your daughters with, to
the people of Kashmir. Ms CM, you have had the outrageous courtesy to defend
your forces who have ran a massacre of kinds- you have had the outrageous
courtesy to demean the legitimate struggle of people by terming it a struggle
of just 5% people. Ms CM, your daughters can speak such good words for you
because to my imagination, they might never in their life have struggled to get
a packet of milk for themselves when they were hungry- they would never in
their life have struggled to meet their friends who are lying half-dead in
their hospital beds- and of course, they would never have had the greatest of
the opportunities to live their whole life in the shadow of the gun. You Ms CM
have had a huge change in your opinion and have forgot the cause you were
championing 6 years ago-the cause of Kashmiris or was all this just because you
wanted to trample down the government of the then Chief Minister, Omar
Abdullah.Ms CM, hypocrisy has a line and that line is crossed when some people
suddenly rebuke and deny what they have been preaching throughout their
career. Ms CM, the youth you once
claimed to love are today lying in hospital beds in numbers exceeding
thousands. Maam, you recently had a visit to the face of the pellet gun victims,
Insha and suddenly had a conscience of sorts arisen and offered your own eye to
her. Your false show of love and bonhomie has no takers because the same
Kashmiris whom you have demonized on national fora are no more interested in
your sweet talk and are well apprehended of your intentions behind it. You
stuck to the chair when body bags were being sent back home. You bewitched our
legitimate demands by terming us as violence lovers. What more do you want me
to say? Ms CM, I have fell short of words but I can be straight to the point
and bluntly say that you have let down your own people, you have let down the
whole valley. You have stifled - what is offered to people even by dictators-
the right to live peacefully.
-Muazzam Nasir
twitter.com/muazzamnasir20
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Deranged is what I would call this. Not that I expected any better from the "freedom fighters" who cower behind their children to pelt stones and lob grenades at the armed forces.
But would you be kind enough to share the exact reason that triggered the peace loving folks into violent protesting in the first place?
It was the encounter of the TERRORIST Burhan Wani, wasn't it? So much empathy for a terrorist. Yet not so much as an acknowledgement to the atrocities that led to the exodus of Kashmiri Pandits.
( http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/o ... 479731.ece )
You say you are being oppressed? Pray tell, how? Cowards in Valley wave around ISIS flags! ISIS flags of all the goddamn things! Because ISIS is the epitome of freedom and all things republic?
( http://www.news18.com/news/india/reveal ... 61499.html )
Yet no action is taken against them. Man, India is the worst. Boo, assholes!
A fraction of seperatists has always been working overtime to demonize the army, which is funny, tragic and ungrateful to the max when you consider that it wasn't their sugardaddy ISI that helped Seperatists out but the Indian armed forces when they were drowning like rats in floods of Sep '14.
India is such a tyrant that not only it saves these snakes but piles subsidies upon subsidies for the benifit of citizens of Kashmir. Aren't Indians simply despicable?
You wanna talk about the dead and the displaced. I think the Kashmiri Pandit exodus of January 19, 1990 would be a good point to start.
( http://ikashmir.net/history/genocide.html )
Here is an account of a Kashmiri Pandit forced out of their homeland by the "peace loving Muslims of the Valley":
"As the night fell, the microscopic community became panic-stricken when the Valley began reverberating with the war-cries of Islamists, who had stage-managed the whole event with great care; choosing its timing and the slogans to be used. A host of highly provocative, communal and threatening slogans, interspersed with martial songs, incited the Muslims to come out on the streets and break the chains of 'slavery'. These exhortations urged the faithful to give a final push to the Kafir in order to ring in the true Islamic order. These slogans were mixed with precise and unambiguous threats to Pandits.They were presented with three choices - Ralive, Tsaliv ya Galive (convert to Islam, leave the place or perish). Tens of thousands of Kashmiri Muslims poured into the streets of the Valley, shouting 'death to India' and death to Kafirs...
... The Pandits could see the writing on the wall. If they were lucky enough to see the night through, they would have to vacate the place before they met the same fate as Tikka Lal Taploo and many others. The Seventh Exodus was surely staring them in the face. By morning, it became apparent to Pandits that Kashmiri Muslims had decided to throw them out from the Valley. Broadcasting vicious Jehadi sermons and revolutionary songs, interspersed with blood curdling shouts and shrieks, threatening Kashmiri Pandits with dire consequences, became a routine 'Mantra' of the Muslims of the Valley, to force them to flee from Kashmir..."
-Col Tej Kumar Tikoo's book, Kashmir: Its Aborigines and Their Exodus
So finally, a word of advice:
Laugh and laugh, laugh till you are blue in face. Because the days of radical Islam are numbered. No one buys this "I'm oppressed because they won't let me kill Kafirs" anymore.
People all over the world are speaking up against this bigotry. Democracy will prevail, you better come to terms with that buddy. Live and let live.
Hey there! I thought I'd go ahead and review this for you today.
I completely agree with what the previous review said about paragraphs - this would be a lot easier to read if it wasn't in one block of text. I also really agree that this feels like it would sound very good read aloud, more like a passionate, powerful speech than a letter.
I don't know anything about this woman, I'm afraid, just as I know nothing about the political situation in Kashmir. Still, I think this letter works very well as an emotional rallying point against this woman. It definitely gets your feelings out, and it's the sort of thing that I think would send a crowd of people who are already against this woman cheering.
What it lacks is logic, really, or at least support. If this is supposed to be an argument against her, rather than a simple rant, then you need sources to back you up and you need to explain things a lot more. However, I don't think that's the point of this piece, so I won't harp on it too much.
Your grammar is the other thing that could use some work - it's all right, but you tend to misuse commas, using them to run sentences together and things like that. Try to give this a thorough proofread. Sometimes, what you say doesn't quite make sense - your last line, for instance - because of the awkward phrasing.
Also, a small thing, I think you say Ms. CM too often. It feels like it would sound repetitive read aloud, and in a letter it would be weird to use the person's name that many times.
That's all I've got! Good luck, and keep writing!
Hey there, muazzamnasir20! A big, friendly welcome to the Young Writers Society!
The first thing I noticed without even beginning to read is that you haven't used paragraphing in this piece. Therefore, it looks like a big chunk of words, and this can be really off-putting for potential readers. It's easy to fix, so don't worry! You just need to go through and hit enter whenever you begin a new train of thought. Just divide the piece up into multiple paragraphs to make it more enjoyable to read.
My mom has always been a grass root politician and has built the party. She is a people's person,". If I take a look back at this statement of her daughter today, I can do nothing but laugh, laugh and laugh.
Here is an example of an instance where you could begin a new paragraph. The quote ends with 'she is a people's person' and then after that you begin giving your opinion on it. These are two different 'trains of thought' so you can start a new paragraph when you begin talking.
Overall, I think this would be great as a speech. It has a very colloquial, completely honest language to it that would be very powerful when spoken aloud. You did a good job of portraying your beliefs and opinions in an easy-to-understand way, and repeat yourself in all the right places. I can't really comment on the actual content, because I have no knowledge of the situation, but I thought you had a good amount of evidence.
If you want to send this is a letter, I would suggest making it more formal. Like I said, it's great as a speech, but not quite formal enough to be taken seriously as a letter. Also, have a go at paragraphing. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for the suggestions.